A Night in the Snow
by kurokatAlways
Summary: James Potter knew he felt a burning feeling and desire for Severus Snape, but until a fateful night in the snow, neither knew exactly how the other had truly felt. What will happen before the pair graduate and go on their separate ways? (SSJP, some Lucius splashed in. M for rape, abuse, sexual content, and language)(Was intended to only be smut, but got into the story.)
1. Chapter 1- A Night in the Snow

**Chapter One**

 **A Night in the Snow**

* * *

Severus Snape was what most would call unappealing in more sense than one. His hair seemed to always be greasy, his nose was curved and long, and his skin was a pale cream. He was a quiet Slytherin, a dark soul that always planned to follow in the Dark Lords path. His nose seemed to always be buried in a book, completing his work long before it was due.

Those were things that James Potter began to admire about him. Not exactly the Dark Arts part, but the rest of his quirks he had began to accept. He liked to sit and watch the dark haired boy while he ate during breaks from conversation with his best friends. He liked to contemplate on why he suddenly had such an interest in him.

It happened sometime at the beginning of the year. Everyone was terribly worried and stressed about their O.W.L.s , but somehow Sirius and himself seemed to have ignored the urgency of his teachers. He felt confident in himself to at least receive and A in almost all the subjects. Sirius was happy to not even care about what scores he recieved. Why should he care when he was the ladies man of Hogwarts?

He still felt the normal loathing and annoyance to Severus, but one night when he was wandering around the corridors in the middle of the night with his invisibility cloak safely around him, he heard a moan from a dark and deserted hallway. He knew it was a normal sound to hear sometimes late at night in the school, but something made him pause and actually look into the darkness for the sound.

Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape is what he saw in the dark. Lucius' back was against the wall, but he was sitting on the hard cold floor. His pants was undone and his robes pushed up so his length was exposed. Severus' robes were discarded beside them along with a shirt he had worn under them. He was almost completely naked apart from the pants at his ankles. From the bright light of the moon that filtered only slightly through the hallway, he could make out Severus' pale and tight skin. His ribs were easily seen and yet he still had a little muscle along his arms. He was on his knees around Lucius' lap, his hips slowly jerking so Lucius slowly slid in and out of him.

"Fuck... You've become better at moving your hips, Severus." Lucius said with a small grin, his fingers grabbing Severus' hips. his nails dug into the skin and James heard a sudden noise of pleasure from Severus. Oh, thought James. He was into that sort of thing.

James could feel himself harden at the sight, but his focus wasn't on Lucius- no. His focus was on the writhing Severus whose mouth was open as if to give off a silent scream with sweat slowly sliding down his creamy white skin. Lucius' mouth sought out his shoulder as he bit down, causing him to moan from the pain and pleasure he felt. The more James looked, he could see bruises that resembled teeth marks along his body, making him shudder. So Severus was a masochist, he thought with a throb from his lower region. He knew himself to be a slight sadist.

James touched the material outside his cock, slowly rubbing himself to the rhythm of Severus' hips. He picked up speed as Lucius grabbed his cock, stroking it at a steady and fast speed.

"That's it, Severus... You're such a good boy..." Lucius spoke into Severus' ear and he seemed to shudder at the sensation. It seemed like only a minute before all three came. James had to bite his lip hard to not make a sound, not once letting his eyes leave the scene. Lucius chuckled softly while he panted, wiping Severus' cum from his chest, pressing the liquid to Severus' lips. His eyes closed as he licked and sucked at his fingers, his lips going all the way to the hilt of his fingers.

Lucius then pushed Severus off, fixing his pants as he growled softly, "You've yet to proven yourself to the Dark Lord, Severus. For now, the only thing you're worth in my eyes is a good fuck. I'm not even sure why he hasn't destroyed you for being so pathetic..." He stood up abruptly and strode in the opposite direction of James.

He gazed at Severus, watching as the boy stood up on shaky legs. He grabbed his shirt and robes, hastily slipping them on with a sullen expression. Little did he know of James only a few feet away had watched the whole ordeal with delight and pleasure.

James had always felt himself a proud straight man, but he couldn't deny that every so often in the Gryffindor quidditch dressing rooms, he would steal a peak at his fellow team mate, checking for more than if he was bigger than them. It was like a small faraway thought that entered his conscious every so often. Oh, but he still felt very much attracted to the red haired beauty of Lily, but he couldn't deny the sudden and real attraction for Severus when it became apparent to himself. He would never forget that night.

James knew that like himself, Severus often ventured out of the castle late at night, but unlike James, he had to make sure he was extra quiet from not having a handy thing like an invisibility cloak or being an animagus. James sometimes stayed up late into the night to catch a glance at Severus' dark figure shrouded in the darkness he felt so comfortable in.

James still felt a curiosity to the ventures of Severus, but until late into the winter term when all the students that had families left to visit, he hadn't made an attempt to follow. James stayed to catch up on his studies for O.W.L.s and he could only imagine why Severus was there.

James watched from his window for the hundredth time at the stark black figure crossing the snow into the Forbidden Forest. He clenched his fist and jumped up from his bed, feeling fortunate that all of the students that he shared a room with was gone for the holidays. He grabbed his invisibility cloak and made sure his steps weren't too loud in the hallways. He took one of the many hidden passageways to the Whomping Willow, in an attempt to avoid Peeves, climbing out and going to the spot where he had seen Severus disappear into the forest. He followed the foot prints into it, feeling surprised when it only led to a small cliff that reached only half of the castles large height. He stopped beside a tree and watched the spot where he saw Severus. He looked around himself and realized that the creatures he expected to be all around as soon as he entered the forest was not there. Were the rumors just lies about all the horrors?

He looked at the tree and was suddenly aware of how sad Severus looked. His dark eyes were gazing at the incredibly clear sky. His chest slowly rose and fell, leaving little breath trails through his thin lips. James followed Severus' gaze out at the waning moon. He couldn't remember sighing, but as soon as the small sound left his chest, a wand was pulled and pointed into his general direction.

"Who's there?!" Severus yelled, his eyes portraying a familiar determination and anger he normally saw in them.

James sighed and pulled the cloak off, pulling his hands up as if giving up, "Caught me, eh?"

Severus' grip on his wand tightened and he looked at James with a withering gaze, his lip perking into a sneer, "Funny. Go the fuck away, Potter, before I curse you. I'm sure Crucio would be a wonderful start."

James frowned and continued to hold his hands up, "Look, I didn't even bring my wand with me, Snivellus. Go ahead and check my robes if you want."

Severus gave a bitter laugh, "Oh, so that's supposed to change my mind? Fuck off, Potter." He raised his wand and opened his mouth with an incantation on the brink of flowing out, but he hadn't realized that James was bluffing. Before Severus knew it, his wand had flown from his hand and he was on his back, coughing roughly.

James rushed behind him and grabbed the wand, laughing in triumph, "Ha! Not so big without your wand, now are you?!"

If only looks could kill. Severus slowly raised himself up, snow sticking to his black hair. He sat against the tree once more and looked away from James, "Fine. Do whatever you want... I don't care right now." James stood there and watched Severus' gaze once more relax into a sad expression. James carefully stowed the two wands away into his robe and slowly went to the tree. He sat on the opposite side of Severus, his gaze upon the tall tree tops.

"Do you often stay here for the holidays, Severus?"

Severus didn't answer as he did his best to ignore James. James smiled to himself, continuing the imaginary conversation, "Well, I'm only here for study. As you know, I'm doing terribly in potions, the usual. Aren't you normally gifted in the subject? Think you can tutor me? Anyway, Sirius of course went home and then Remus did the same. So, it seems its just me and-"

"Why are you here, Potter?" His voice sounded hard and annoyed.

James paused and glanced up at the stars beyond the trees, grinning, "What do you mean? I just told you why I was..."

"Bullshit, Potter. You must want something... What do you want?" His voice sounded slightly worried and hesitant to James' ears, but he knew that his face would never betray the emotions.

"You know... The more I think about it, Severus... The more it seems you're right. I do want something. Want to know what it is?" He grinned more when Severus didn't answer. Maybe he sensed that what James had in mind was risky and something he knew he wouldn't want to associate with.

James stood and slowly walked around the tree, looking down at Severus. Severus' dark eyes met James' and James felt a sense of affection for the frost touched boy. Severus' eyes widened when James lowered to crouch beside him, his lips pressing to his. Severus froze in shock, his eyes focusing on James' closed ones. Severus could feel just how soft James' lips were as he slowly kissed him. James' fingers touched Severus' cheek, grazing softly along his jaw and into his long dark hair. James' heart quickened and he felt a familiar sensation of excitement. He was finally indulging in a deep and hidden fantasy.

The realization of the situation made Severus' cock suddenly throb and he immediately pushed James away in fear of his own reaction, "Get off!"

James growled in agitation and pushed back against Severus, pressing him into the snow. His leg pressed firmly against his so he couldn't escape under his grip. James felt utter excitement from this task as his blood rushed through his body. He was giving into all the things that he fought. He was going to touch Severus' pale and soft skin. He was going to taste him for the first time. He was going to leave his own stark marks on the pale skin. He was going to feel everything that he had ever imagined.

James stopped suddenly when he saw the look on Severus' face. He wasn't trying to completely fight him, but the fear in his eyes made him suddenly stand up. He strode away and grabbed his cloak in the snow. He dropped Severus' wand in the snow and heard Severus quickly cross the snow to retrieve it. He threw the cloak over his shoulders and head, a terrible feeling taking hold of his stomach. What was he thinking? Clearly the other boy didn't share his feelings and what was he going to do? Almost rape him from the coursing excitement? He remembered how often he bullied Severus, but nothing could compare to the act he would have performed.

He felt sick as he quickly trekked across the snow covered ground of Hogwarts. He shed his cloak and slid it into his trunk under all of his school supplies and personal items. James' swallowed hard and slipped into his bed. He had a sudden fear that perhaps Severus would hate him even more. How could he have been so stupid? He hit his head a few times in frustration and pulled the covers over his head. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to forget the nights events.

* * *

 **Hi, guys! This is my first ever attempt at a fanfiction. I really love this pairing and hadn't found too many fanfics about them so I decided to go ahead and write my own. There should be more coming to this particular story, so check back often for the updates. I love getting reviews so I can improve my writing or listen to what others have to say. I hope you enjoy!**

 **This will be mostly to the books, but some aspects will be based on the movies too. I tried to keep it as close to the original story events as much as I could. Some of its different, but, all well!**


	2. Chapter 2- Mudblood

**Chapter Two**

 **Mudblood**

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From an onlookers point of view, it was very odd when in the following weeks after the Christmas holidays James was no longer giving Severus attention. It had seemed like James would have a snide comment for Severus or Severus having an attitude right back, but not even Sirius would pay attention to him. James had been the instigator of Severus, so it was almost as if the whole group had forgotten about the dark haired boy. But, sometimes he would catch Sirius' eyes and watch a sneer grace his lips, his eyes terribly angry as they looked upon the image of Severus. Perhaps, thought Severus, he knew. He somehow knows. Potter must have fucking told him. That's what that was... a terrible joke. They probably laugh together about it.

Severus felt as if he should rejoice in the other boys failing to approach or look at him, but... It was hard for himself to understand what had happened between them over the holidays. James approached him only once after the incident, but only opened his mouth as if to talk before shoving quickly past him. Of course, this seemed normal behavior to some, Severus felt odd about him not making snide comments or lifting his whole body into the air upside down. The more he was left to think, the more he was positive that James was playing a cruel joke on him.

Sometimes Severus would glance at James in their shared classes only to see him smiling and joking with Sirius. He would feel a sudden surge of jealousy and anger. Anger at himself for letting James make a fool out of him and at James for leaving him in the dark about what happened. Jealousy over James paying all his attention to Sirius when he wouldn't grace Severus with an ignorant stare or sarcastic remark.

He tried to think of excuses for James, deep down not wanting to believe that it could be a prank. Perhaps he was merely drunk on Fire Whisky that Sirius was expertly able to retrieve. But, he hadn't tasted the bitter and firey drink on James' lips. He would blush angrily each time he would think about the kiss. How dare that Potter use him for some sick pleasure of his! Was it that hard for people to understand that he had feelings too? That he was hurting inside without another weight resting on his shoulders.

He tried his best to ignore James as the weeks past. He would immerse himself in books far often than he did before. He would be focused so intently in the lessons that he would forget about James' presence. Unfortunately, though, when he would have sex with Lucius, his mind would somehow wander to James. Lucius could always tell when his thoughts would wander.

"So, tell me, Severus... Where does your mind keep disappearing to?" The brightly blond boy asked. His hands were gripping Severus' hips as he gripped edge of the sink in front of him. Severus' knuckles were turning white from the tight grip he gave it. His eyes were tightly shut from the pleasure of Lucius' thrusts in his ass, his own hand going to his cock to stroke it.

Severus panted hard as his legs trembled slightly from the overwhelming sensations, "What... What do you mean? I-I don't-" He gave a soft grunt of pain as Lucius pressed the end of his wand to Severus' back, leaving a deep and red burn. Lucius began to thrust deep and hard into Severus, tracing his skin with the wand tip.

"What did I say about lying?! Its that fucking Lily girl isn't it? You're so fucking weak. Falling for a Mudblood Gryffindor? You think she could feel attracted to you with your pale and scrawny self? Let me show you where your place is!" Severus didn't protest to the accusation, it being much easier to admit than having a second thought about James Potter.

Despite himself holding back all of his screams until that moment, he cried out from the unbearable pain he felt along his spine as Lucius thrust faster and harder into him. Lucius was tracing letters into his back with a wobbly hand as he held Severus. Lucius felt satisfaction when he saw small droplets of water slide down Severus' face as he bit hard into his lip to keep quiet, blood appearing and sliding down his chin.

Lucius came in him and let him slip onto the floor. Lucius took a moment while fixing his robes and pants to look upon his deed. Blood was slowly dripping along his sides onto the tiled floor from the letters that were crudely branded into his skin. Severus' breaths were labored and he didn't make an attempt to stand. His vision was blurry as he stared at Lucius' shoes with half lidded eyes. Lucius felt satisfied with the image as he turned and unlocked the Slytherin's bathroom door. He didn't bother closing it as he strode back to the dungeon where he had originally came from.

Severus heard a small gasp and a boy yelling for a teachers help. His eyes fully closed in defeat as he gave into the exhaustion and pain. He woke up later in the hospital wing. His curtains were drawn around his bed and he was laid on his stomach. He could feel a small breeze gracing a rather thick liquid on his back. He didn't answer Madame Pomfrey when she asked how he was feeling.

"Oh, now the burns wont be able to go completely away, I'm afraid. They're healed over, but the scars may remain there, "She said. She added the next part in a gentle and quiet voice, "I cleaned you up, so you should feel more comfortable... I'm afraid that I'm going to have to report this incident to the head master."

Severus gasped and pushed his body up, "What?! No, you cant!" He was on his ass in only a matter of seconds so he could easily glare at Madame Pomfrey. He knew that it would already have been spread around about what the boy that found him saw, but he would not under any circumstances make Lucius more angry for going to the Head Master about it.

She huffed and placed her hands on her hips, "Look, I was only waiting for you to wake up before I reported it, but I'm afraid that it must be done. Sexual contact with students is strictly prohibited, so even if you had given consent to it, its a highly punishable offence, Mr. Snape." She thrust closed the curtain once more and Severus glared at the spot where she had stood.

He threw off the cover that had been covering his lower half and grabbed his clothes. He hastily dressed and pushed the curtain away from himself. He didn't look at anyone as he passed people in the hallway. Everyone was whispering and some blatantly pointed at him. He ignored all of them as best as he could, his gaze only resting on one person when he sat down in his class the next day.

James Potter had come to the class early so he could catch a good look at Severus. Their eyes met and he swallowed hard at a lump in his throat. A few students entered the room and Severus broke the stare. He pulled out his books and turned to the pages that were numbered on the chalk board.

He heard a tiny fluttering noise at the end of the class and looked up to see what appeared to be a folded paper bird fluttering to his desk. He looked down at the white structure on his book and glanced up to meet James' eyes once more. James was rising and stalling to put his books into his bag. He turned to Sirius to assure him that he would meet him in the Great Hall and that he had forgotten to ask the professor something. Severus watched Sirius leave reluctantly. James looked around himself and then looked at Severus once again. He gave a hesitant and small smile, making a hand gesture that looked as if he was opening an invisible book.

Severus glanced back down at the paper bird and then up again, only to find that James had left. He began to carefully peel the bird open, having difficulty not to rip it. He wondered briefly how anyone could have taken the time to fold such a nuisance. Scribbled handwriting was waiting on the inside for him to read. He spread the paper out flat and read the note.

Who did it to you? Its enchanted paper and I have the other, so please respond, Severus.

It didn't ask if it had really happened; if the rumors were true. It didn't ask if he was OK. It just simply asked who did it. Anger welled up in Severus and he quickly crumbled the paper and threw it into a waste basket. How dare he! How dare that conceited Gryffindor ask such an absurd question. What did it matter to James if he knew who it had been? What would he have to gain with that information. Was he really trying to pretend he cared? He knew no one really cared. No one ever had.

He ate by himself at the Slytherin table, staring angrily at his book in front of him. He wasn't even paying attention to what he was eating. He couldn't possibly tell you what they were having for their lunch. No, but he could tell you who's eyes were watching him. He could tell you where that person was. He didn't have to look up to know that James would steal glances at him in between waning conversation between himself and Sirius.

James waited till Sirius turned his attention away to Remus. He pulled out a folded white sheet of paper from his robes and hesitantly opened it. Nothing had been written there. It was like it was once again blank. He frowned and crumbled up the sheet, discarding it in his goblet angrily. Why wouldn't Severus acknowledge him? Sure, he had ignored them for both of their sake after the incident, but he genuinely felt concern for the dark boy.

There was a soft cough from the door and everyone looked over. It was Professor McGonagall and she was indicating for the other professor to come closer for her to speak to him. Their voices were low as they discussed and then Minerva looked up and said, "Severus, if you would please follow me."

Severus sighed to himself as every pair of eyes went to him. James watched him rise quickly from his seat and push his books into his bag hastily. He went to Minerva and looked up at her as he she led him away. They said nothing to one another as she led him down the relatively empty corridors.

She stopped in front of a gargoyle and cleared her throat, "Gumdrops." Severus watched in slight amazement as the gargoyle moved and revealed a staircase that lead upwards. Minerva led the way up the stairs and Severus followed behind, his gaze on the steps as he felt a sense of foreboding. What would happen when he reached the top? He knew it wouldn't be good, no matter what was waiting for him.

Minerva knocked softly on a hard wooden door and a soft voice from inside said, "Come in."

Minerva opened the door and gave a hesitant smile to Dumbledore, "I brought Severus, Sir."

"Ah, yes. Let him in then."

Minerva stepped back and let Severus inside the office of Dumbledore and left with the door closing behind herself. Severus hesitated at the entrance as he looked around himself. He was still anxious about having to have visited the Headmaster in his office, but he felt a small sense of wonder at the contents of the office. His eyes rested upon Fawkes the phoenix who appeared to be in his older stage of life. He looked back at Severus with black eyes and then yawned while looking away as if bored with the appearance.

"Severus, would you like to sit?"

Severus looked at Dumbledore and nodded slightly, slowly walking to the two chairs sitting in front of his large desk. Severus swallowed hard before speaking, "Sir, why am I here?"

Dumbledore reached across his desk and pushed a small jar full of jelly beans toward him, "Would you care for some candy, Severus?"

Severus paused at the oddness of the action and slowly shook his head, "No, Sir."

Dumbledore gave a small nod and dipped his hand into the jar, retrieving a handful, "Well, I shall. But, to answer your question, I think we both know what I called you in here to discuss." Severus opened his mouth to object to being there to discuss what happened, but Dumbledore held his hand up for silence, "I know what you'll say. You'll only deny everything, but I thought I would at least try and talk some sense into you. Severus, we need to know who did it. No one saw anyone leave that bathroom and I need to know who did it to you."

Severus narrowed his eyes and began to stand, "I don't have to-"

"Sit, Severus." Dumbledore's voice held so much authority, that Severus reluctantly sat again. Dumbledore sighed, "Is there even a point of me to pester you about the matter?"

Severus didn't answer, but just sat there looking at his hands in his lap. He really would rather be anywhere than where he. He hadn't been this uncomfortable in such a very long time.

"Well, Severus, I would rather not force you to tell me, so I will only trust you to not let this happen again. Remember that there is someone around to talk to when you need it, alright?" Dumbledore looked almost as uncomfortable as Severus as he chewed on a few jelly beans. He really wanted the issue to be solved, but in a not so messy fashion. What was he supposed to do if the only witness refused to speak?

Severus stood without another word and left the office, his hands balled into fists. Severus glared ahead of himself and disappeared into a familiar dark hallway. He went down into his bedroom, enjoying that no one else was there. He sighed greatly and closed his eyes as he laid in his bed. He tried to rid himself of all emotion and thoughts, relaxing his body into the bed. He wanted to forget everything that had happened. Just let the day to be over.


	3. Chapter 3- Secrets

**Chapter Three**

 **Secrets**

* * *

The longer James watched Severus, the more he found his heart racing. He wanted to make sure that he was ok; that he was in no danger. When he heard what happened to him, he felt a deep and hate filled anger rise in his chest. He somehow knew it was Lucius Malfoy. He just knew. He heard that the Slytherin boy that found Severus saw deep burns along his back that spelled the words Slytherin Slag. White stuff (more than likely cum) leaked out from between his ass cheeks onto the tiles. Clothes were lying beside him, but none were on him. It caused quite a commotion in the hallways when he was taken from the bathroom into the hospital wing.

James didn't know if all of what the school was saying was true, but he was sure as hell going to find out. He listened closely in the hallways between classes, looking for anyone that told a different story than the boy. It ranged between someone catching him sucking dick and then attacking him or that he was simply found like that. Neither provided comfort for James.

People didn't care which. He was unpopular to begin with, but now everyone would laugh blatantly at him and call out, "Slytherin Slag!" He seemed to take everything in stride, but James would watch closely at his clenched fist and how his jaw ticked. Why wasn't he fighting them back? It seemed like he was just rolling on his back and taking everything that was thrown at him. But why? He would have normally snapped back at them with a snide remark or insult. It was like he was afraid to strike back.

Sometimes while he would talk to Sirius, he wanted so badly to tell him what was happening. He wanted to tell him about the storm that was raging inside him every time he saw Lucius or Severus. It felt as if Sirius could somehow sense this about him. He one day gently pulled James aside and whispered, "James... What's happening with you? You havent been the same since Christmas..."

James opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly closed it. How could he begin to tell his best friend something so appalling? That he was slowly falling for a Slytherin and that it was a boy of all things. Not to mention that it was the person that Sirius and himself bullied for a number of years until the last few months. He couldn't begin to explain everything.

Sirius growled in annoyance and pushed his shoulder, "Come on, James. I'm your best friend. I'm supposed to be here for you, so could you just trust me and tell me what's happening?" James stared at him warily and then nodded.

Sirius glanced around themselves and grabbed James' arm. It was late in the evening, but there were still a large number of students in the hall listening and conversing with others. He dragged James behind a statue that opened at a few words and took out his wand. He whispered to it and it lit brightly in the dark passage. He sat on one of the steps that led downward and watched as James sat near him with his back to the wall. He waited for James to say something, but soon grew impatient as the minutes ticked by.

"James," He said firmly, "Cough it up, mate."

James looked up into Sirius' eyes, a sad and defeated smile crossing his lips, "This doesn't leave this tunnel, understand?" Sirius nodded and James continued, "I'm worried about Severus..."

Sirius looked confused and waited for James to erupt in laughter from the hidden joke. He paused and chuckled, "What? Snivellus? You're joking..." He peered at James and frowned when James didn't answer him. He sat there in silence and then sighed, "Ok... So you're worried about Snape. Go on."

James looked up into his best friends eyes once more and said quietly, "I think it was Lucius that did it to him."

Sirius nodded, not at all surprised at the accusation, "More than likely. He's normally the only one that associates with him. We are talking about the 'Slag' incident, right? It sounded pretty harsh. Do you think its true what they're saying?"

James growled and gripped his knee, "Of course I think they're true or else I wouldn't be worrying about him!" The words were harsh and cold, and it made Sirius bristle in defense.

"Hold on a minute! Don't go biting my throat, mate! I'm only asking. Just like I'm going to ask why you suddenly care about his well being. Just last year you strung him up and exposed him, so why care about what people say about him or even what people do to him?" Sirius watched as James gripped his knee tighter and it suddenly dawned on him. His mouth fell open and he pressed his shoulder against the wall for support. He held his face in his hands as thoughts sped across his mind. The signs were all there. He couldn't deny that he had been noticing James' attention shift from Lily to the pale and dark haired boy. He had been seeing the looks James gave him. The more he thought on those expressions, the more he realized James' feelings.

"James... You can't.. I-I mean- if its just... someone else. Someone other than him, James." Sirius' voice was quiet and urgent, pulling his face away from his hands so he could look for James' reaction.

James snorted bitterly and glared up at Sirius, "Is it because it's not normal, Sirius? Feeling shocked that your best friend is bi? Well, you can get the fuck over it!"

"James, wait! Let me explain-"

"Explain what? Explain that you think I should date girls and be normal? Explain that if I was to fall for a guy then let it be anyone than a Slytherin! Let it be anyone but Snivellus Snape! Haven't you realized that I tell myself this every fucking day? That I wake up in the morning and tell myself that I'm not going to care about him; that I'm not going to give him any of my attention..." He had been standing on his feet by the time that his voice trailed off. He was looking at Sirius' shocked face with a withered and defeated look.

"I look at him in class, Sirius, and all I feel is a strong sense of... Protection. But, it just goes deeper than that. I look at him like a man should look at a woman. I look at him and see someone that is just scared and angry at the world. I can see it in his eyes everyday, like he's going to burn the world and cry over it. I look at him and just want to hold him so close to myself and just melt away with him."

His eyes burned and he swallowed down a lump in his throat. He realized just how absurd what he said was. Holding him till they melt? He was frightened of what Sirius would say. He had finally told someone about his feelings and he felt that it was going to crash around him.

Sirius grinned to himself and looked down at his glowing wand, "You know, James... Its been quite a while since I felt that way. You remember that cute blond I dated for a while before she dumped me? I kind of felt that way too."

James gave a shaky laugh and rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, "You did not.."

Sirius laughed after James and shook his head, "Well, not exactly, but it was rather close!" His smile slowly died and he sighed, "Look, James... What I was going to say was that I wish you would find someone other than him. No, its not because hes a boy or the fact that hes a pathetic little... No, its the fact that we all know that he's becoming one of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named followers. You see him in Defense Against the Dark Arts; how excited he gets when they mention and describe an unforgivable curse. He's heading down a path that you don't need to associate with.

James, take my words seriously. I mean it. Think about what will happen when Lucius catches wind if you two get involved. I'm not saying I'm afraid of him or that you are; I'm saying that you can only imagine what he would do to Severus. I believe it was him who did that to him and who knows why. Be careful, James." Sirius stood and left the passage, leaving James to think alone in the dark.

Maybe he was right. Perhaps James should just keep ignoring his feelings and leave Severus alone. He should just go back to tailing and impressing Lily, the red headed beauty. But, even her beauty was somehow outshined in his mind by the way that Severus' dark hair framed his pale and smooth face or how the few smiles he graced in the years together with him made his heart race when he thought of them.

He stood up finally and exited the statue, his eyes searching for the dark haired boy. He hadn't realized just what time it was and how long he had stayed in that passage. He had to hurry to his dorm and grab his cloak. He made sure that no other teacher or student was around to spot him as he whispered the password to the fat lady in the painting. A few people were still waiting in the common room, but he knew that within an hour, they would be gone. He went to their bedrooms and waited for everyone to sleep before carefully taking his cloak out and wrapping himself in it.

He exited the castle quietly and without detection. He knew exactly where Severus was going to be; on that small cliff that showed just how grand and beautiful Hogwarts was. He traced the trees that looked familiar to him and emerged into the small clearing around the cliff. He saw a shadow against the tree and felt his heart racing. He was going to do this; he was going through with his desires once again. He was going to tell Severus his feelings whether they were returned or not.

The closer he got to the tree, the more it became apparent that there were two shadows. He could hear the second shadow speaking and he suddenly stopped when he recognized Lucius' voice. He was there with Severus, his back highlighted by the moon.

"Did you learn your lesson, Severus?" James watched Severus nod and Lucius chuckled darkly, "Good boy... down on your knees." Severus obeyed and didn't have to have further instruction. His hands pushed Lucius' robe up and disappeared under it. James heard a buckle clink and soon heard a moan escape Lucius' mouth as he leaned a hand against the tree for support. He could see Severus' head under the robes bob slowly and deliberately.

James' heart seemed to break and deflate. A bitter feeling was settling in his stomach and made him feel nauseous. It was as if Severus didn't even try to object to Lucius. Were they that close and James just hadn't realized? He thought that perhaps the sexual contact had been forced and unwanted. Had they always been in a close and presumably abusive relationship? He thought that maybe they had merely been fuck buddies, but from watching how enthusiastically Severus took Lucius into his mouth and watched as his hand went to his own robes to stroke himself, he suddenly knew. Severus had an unhealthy affection toward the blonde. How could he when he was clearly abused by him?

Lucius suddenly growled loudly and popped Severus' head with his palm which gave out a cry, "Dammit! You need to open your damn mouth more! I can feel your disgusting teeth!"

Severus panted and let the robes fall away from his head, showing wide eyes, "I'm sorry, Luc-"

James saw Lucius' fist clench and punch Severus across the face, "Who told you to speak?!" Severus cried out once more and held his head down toward the ground. His nose was bleeding and it felt to him broken and bruised.

James' fists clenched and fought himself to not emerge from the cloak and stun Lucius. He knew that he would punish Severus for James protecting him. He pleaded silently for Severus to get up and defend himself. But, he watched Lucius kick Severus' face and walk back toward the castle. James threw off his cloak without caution and went to Severus.

He knelt on the ground beside Severus and gently turned him so he was facing James. He cursed as he looked at his closed eyes and . Lucius had knocked him out. He retrieved his wand and wracked his brain to remember a spell that would help Severus. He wanted so badly to help. He finally remembered a spell to fix his nose and bruises.. He sat under the tree and pulled Severus' head into his lap, using his own robe to dab and wipe away the blood that had dripped and poured from his nose. His hands shook as he tried to clean him. He was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to help him and he just stood there and watched. He was so angry at Lucius, but even more at himself.

Severus began to stir. James placed his head down carefully and shifted into a stag for the first time in that whole month. It hadn't been time to visit Remus in the Whomping Willow. He went to his cloak and picked it up in his teeth and laid it against Severus' body that was trembling.

Severus' eyes opened and saw a stag trotting away from him. He sat up and watched as it disappeared. He looked down and was startled when he saw half of his legs and torso was gone. He groped out and felt the soft cloth that was against him. He grabbed it and held it up curiously. When had it appeared? And a better question was when had he passed out?


	4. Chapter 4- Only Once

**Chapter Four**

 **Only Once**

* * *

Nothing that year was going how Severus Snape had planned. He had hopes to take everything Potter said and throw it back in his face no matter if he was bullied more. He was smug and happy at the thought of it. He was going to focus more on his potions work and try to get O's in all his subjects. He was going to keep to himself as best as he could.

 _But no_ , he thought bitterly. _Potter had to ruin everything._ He made it increasingly hard to ignore. When he had awoken from being knocked out and found the invisibility cloak, he knew exactly who's it was. He was not very happy with the owner, either.

He kept it in his bag for a few days and would try to figure out the best way to give it to him. He didn't want to just go up and hand him something that made his whole hand disappear.

The next week James sent another fluttering paper bird to him after the class they shared together ended. Severus opened it easier the second time and saw that nothing was written on it. He waited till later that night in his bed to write to James.

 _You left your cloak, Potter._

It didn't take long for James to reply, _I know. I thought you might get cold laying there in the chilly night._

Severus gripped his quill slightly and his teeth clenched. He knew James saw. It had been dark, but he must have surely seen what he had been doing. A blush crept on his cheeks as he hastily wrote, _Stop doing that! Leave me alone, already!_

 _But why? As you must have noticed, I haven't been bullying you, so what's the harm I'm causing?_ Severus lowered his pen to give a snarky reply when more was written from James' end _. Suddenly embarrassed of your endeavors with Malfoy?_

He tore the paper into small pieces and panted hard. His face was beet red as he threw the pieces into the trash. That's where James, in his mind, belonged. He must have seen everything. How long had he been there? Now he knew that Severus had in fact been having sex with a boy, but also that it was Lucius. Would he tell everyone? Rumors and taunts were still directed at him with the incident before, but that had been with a partner without a face to the public eye. He worried now that everyone would know that it wasn't a random attack. He worried what his punishment would be.

He needed to get away. He didn't want to be in the room he was in with people on all sides of him asleep. He had to go. He picked up the invisibility cloak from his trunk and placed it over himself. How useful the item had become to himself. He felt slightly frightened in the hallways when he would pass a teacher and would hold his breath and still his movements until they would go away.

He hurried out of the castle and went straight for his spot. The spot where he could free and empty his mind. The spot where he could escape everyone and everything. He dodged through the dense the dense trees, occasionally tripping on the roots. The forest seemed to become restless from the noise he was causing. Eyes watched him from every corner, feeling blood thirsty. He may have been hidden under the cloak, but they could smell his fear and anger.

He grit his teeth and threw off the cloak when he came to the tree. He felt pure hatred and anger when he saw James leaning against it with his arrogant hazel eyes gazing at him. He was grinning and he opened his mouth to say something, but a fist met his jaw. He fell over and looked up in surprise at Severus who had straddled his waist and grabbed his collar tightly.

Severus growled and tried to release James' grip on his fists, "Don't tell me what to do, Potter! I don't want you ever coming to this place again! This is my place only and-"

James began to taste blood on his tongue and he frowned deeply at Severus, his grip tightening, "Then why did you bring Lucius?" Severus could hear the jealousy in his voice and he faltered slightly. He looked at him confused and unclenched his fists slightly in susprise. Was he imagining the tone?

His eyes hardened once more and he sneered, "Why do you care, Potter? I invited him, not you."

"Then invite me, Severus." A small grin had appeared on his lips as he let go of one of his fists to reach up and brush aside the black hair that was covering his dark eyes. Oh, how he loved those eyes that were full of so any emotions. He had never seen such in them ever before. Even though the emotions were negative, he was merely happy that they were directed at him. "I want you to be the only one that you want here. I swear, I will make you beg for only me, Severus."

Another blow to the face wiped away his grin. He hissed in pain and touched the slowly swelling cheek. He had been holding back. He had been forcing himself to not regret his actions. All of those worries went away as he kicked his knee into Severus' back, causing him to fall forward. He rolled them over in the grass and pushed his shoulders into the ground.

Severus felt the fear rise up in him once more. He wanted to grab his wand and escape, but James seemed to think two steps ahead. His wand was once more thrown to the side and he squeezed his eyes shut. James bent his head down and licked the exposed neck. He bit down into the soft flesh and Severus' eyes opened wide with a gasped moan escaping his lips.

James' hands pushed the front of his robes up along with his shirt and took a moment to gaze at the heaving, pale chest. He glared at the many bites that were along his sides. His hands went to Severus' wrists and used a single hand to hold them both in his hands. His lips went to one of the bite marks and kissed it. His lips trailed down his chest till his teeth brushed against on of his nipples. Severus' chest rose with a sharp intake of breath as James gently bit it. Why was his body reacting to him like this? He hated him so much, so why this?

James took the moan from Severus' lips as a sign to continue. His free hand went to his pants and took a moment to pull them down. He took Severus into his hand and roughly stroked the growing erection. He felt Severus try to break from his grip, but he didn't pay attention as he bit into place that hadn't been touched by Lucius.

Severus was beginning to panic. This wasn't right! This shouldn't be happening. They were from separate worlds; they weren't supposed to collide like this. It felt so good and his mind was trying so hard not to fall into the pleasure he was feeling. It was becoming so hard with James' teeth and tongue lashing out at his chest.

He wiggled and tried to escape more urgently from him, but James forcibly rolled him onto his stomach and extracted his wand. Ropes flew out from the end of the wand and wound its way tightly around Severus' wrists. James forcibly raised Severus' hips upward and pulled his pants completely off. His pale ass was for James' taking.

Severus' voice sounded so small and it quivered in James' ears, "Potter... Please..."

James' eyes rest on the pale scars on his back. He saw the letters and suddenly felt a sickening feeling in his stomach. The whole situation came crashing around him and he realized that he was as much of a monster as Lucius.

His hand shook as he willed his wand to brush away the ropes around Severus' wrists. Severus didn't move, his ass in the air as he panted, "Potter... Would you like to play a game?" He shifted his position and was now sitting on his ass. His face seemed void of emotion as he looked at James.

James opened his mouth and answered quietly, the sickening feeling still settled in his stomach, "A game, Severus?"

He was aware of his erection as he said, "Yes, Potter. A game. The game is called Only Once. Would you like to hear its rules?" James nodded and Severus looked into his eyes, "The rules are as followed: everything that is done in the game can only be done once. No more than that. We both will pretend we are not who we are. You will no longer be James Potter nor I Severus Snape. Our worlds will no longer be different while the game is played. Are you understanding, Potter?"

He watched James stare at him in a mixture of shock and hesitation. Severus knew that his surprise came from him thinking he had been forcing Severus into the deeds that were done prior, but he didn't want to tell him that his mind was fully into the pleasure he was feeling when his wrists had been tied. His voice had been soft and quivering from the need of wanting James deep inside him. He wasn't even sure why he was doing what he was, but as the game stated, he was no longer the studious boy after the dark arts and who hated this Gryffindor boy. He was now a normal boy who was fulfilling his sexual needs. Nothing more had to be questioned about it.

He didn't wait for James to reply and leaned forward to kiss him. Their eyes closed together and their hands sought each other to hold. James tentatively slipped his tongue between Severus' lips and moaned as their tongues danced and slid against one another. Severus didn't mind when James' hand escaped to the back of his neck and entwined in the hair at the nape of his neck. He could feel his hands tremble before pulling on his black hair, making a gasp escape Severus' lips. James kissed Severus harder and deeper, pressing himself close to Severus.

Soon James' clothes were tossed to the side with Severus', his hips moving quickly against Severus. Severus moaned loudly as James thrust deep into him, his fingers gripping onto James' shoulders. James was biting into Severus' shoulder as Severus whimpered desperately, "H-Harder! Fuck!" James watched as Severus' eyes rolled into the back of his head and closing them when James roughly hit his spot.

Severus was in a blissful heaven. Lucius had never once made sure to hit his spot. He had never before experienced the powerful sensation before. The pain and pleasure that James was giving him was frightening him. He hadn't expected the sex to feel this amazing. He was expecting less than Lucius gave him, but it seemed James knew exactly how hard to thrust and just where to do it. He was biting in all his amazing spots and was gripping his hair roughly. It was so perfect.

Severus came first and James soon after. They were both panting wildly and they looked deep into each others passion filled eyes. Severus' whole body was trembling from the high as James kissed at one of the bites he caused. Could the high even possibly die? It was still strong minutes after they had finished.

"That was... Such a great game, Severus... We should do that again sometime..."

Reality hit Severus and he had to force himself to push James off him. He tried to stand up, but stumbled. James caught his arm quickly, but Severus thrust it away from his grip, "Get off, Potter."

Severus saw the hurt in James' eyes and felt a small part of him feel smug about it. Good. He was hurting? Fantastic. He ignored the other nagging voice in his head that wanted to suddenly comfort James. No, he told himself, I am not going to be that person. This is what he deserves.

Severus silently dressed as James did the same, neither looking into the others eyes. James finished before him and went to pick up his cloak, "Severus... I swear you will be mine." Severus paused and watched James leave into the forest, leaving him alone.

In the following weeks, James became far more annoying to Severus. He hoped on some days that he could yell at him just what he thought of him if James would only provoke him farther than just staring at him. Oh, how he would love to tell him how his presence was the very definition of a waste and that had surely been a mistake on his mother's part for bringing him into this world. He wanted to curse him, but knew that with his group of friends he couldn't attempt a decent one without having something worse sent back at him.

He didn't bother to look behind him at the increasingly frequent stares of James in Potions class. He would walk into the classroom past the nuisance named James Potter and immediately place his cauldron on the table and wait for instruction. He felt as if his skill in the subject was slowly slipping from the attention his mind was giving James. He would glare at the board and the words written on it.

How dare James. How dare he bully him for most of his Hogwarts years and suddenly stop. The only one now that bothered with him was Sirius, but he would make sure to bully him when James wasn't around. He hardly cared about Sirius. He was more angry at James. Why make most of his years hell and then give him another sort of attention that was unwanted? Its not like he hadn't noticed how James' expressions around him changed before the night at the tree. He supposed any normal person in the school would be absolutely thrilled that the star of the Gryffindor Qudditch team was giving longing looks to them... Well, perhaps not everyone he personally knew. Especially Lucius Malfoy. He gave a frightened yet tinted pleasure of a shiver when he thought the name.

He still had strong feelings for his friend and crush Lily Evans, but he had to admit at some point he became sexually frustrated. He felt strange for it, but didn't say no when Lucius took interest in his body. Perhaps it had been a sexual fantasy of Lucius' to dominate and abuse someone. Severus hardly minded. He was used to abuse. Sexual abuse and pain merely turned him on more. That's another reason when he didn't object when Lucius pulled him aside to fuck him.

But he remembered how James didn't hit him afterward or expected only his own pleasure from the experience. He still remembered how rough his hands had been on his body, but still felt cared for. He had never felt that before. He hated remembering everything. He hated how his body would become in the middle of the night when he was alone in his bed. He hated having to masturbate to the memory of the touches.

He hated it all.


	5. Chapter 5- Firewhiskey

**Chapter Five**

 **Firewhiskey**

* * *

O.W.L.s had come and gone and James was pleased and had felt he had managed to pass most of his classes. He had been worried that he wouldn't be able to pass everything he needed, but he knew he somehow managed. Remus out of the four boys had handled the tests best out of everyone, receiving studying far more than all of the boys combined. Sirius didn't mind that he had more than likely not passed a number of his classes, yet Peter was incredibly worried about his future.

Remus sighed as Peter sniffled as he looked down without touching his food, "Well, you should have studied better, Peter. Can't blame anyone but yourself."

"But I swear I did!"

"More than the night before each exam?" Sirius quipped with a grin. Peter opened his mouth to argue, but quickly shut it when he knew that he couldn't win an argument against the boys.

"We should all celebrate tonight! No more studying till next year," Sirius said cheerfully and grinned. He looked at James for his approval, but was disappointed when he noticed that James' attention was elsewhere.

James had noticed the frown upon Severus' lips when he reflected upon the tests at the Slytherin table. When he stood to leave the Great Hall, James excused himself from his friends and trotted after Severus. Sirius watched with a glare as James joined Severus. He had promised James to tell no one of his secret, but that didn't mean he still didn't like it. It was absolutely absurd! He expected James to take his words to heart and realize that it would be a lost cause to go after Severus. He looked away and glared at the plate in front of him.

Severus didn't pay attention to James as he caught up to his side, "How was your tests, Severus?"

James knew that Severus was avoiding him since their romping under the tree, but he was determined to wiggle his way into the stubborn boys affections. He had meant every word to Severus that he had said. He wanted him all to himself. Just his.

Severus frowned more and glared ahead of himself, "Shove off, Potter."

James grinned to himself and placed his hands in the outer pockets of his robes, "Oh, now don't be sour, Snapey. Your scores couldn't be that bad. Just watch, when the owls bring your scores during the summer, you'll have had nearly all O's!" James watched as Severus clutched his books tighter to his chest.

James followed him all the way to the library and sat at the same table as him. He propped his head into his hands and watched as Severus pulled out a parchment and quill, scribbling on it when he would read certain words in the book. James smiled to himself, watching as Severus immersed himself in the book and glanced over to see what he was reading. He frowned when he noticed many unforgivable curses and the background of them.

"You know, Severus, you shouldn't have to follow that group of yours..."

"I could say the same about you, Potter," Severus quipped back without looking up from his parchment.

"I'm serious, Severus. What's so appealing about it all? They murder people... For a single man, they murder and torture people. Why would you want to join in that?" James was so curious, he couldn't stop himself from asking the questions that had burned in his mind.

Severus was quiet a moment, but his quill never stopped moving as his eyes darted between the book and the parchment, "Potter, you seem to forget that you know nothing about me. You are neither a close friend nor a family member, so why bother me with questions that you have no right in knowing?"

"Why can't you just tell me?!" His voice had been raised to a shout, and he immediately found everyone staring at him while Madame Pince glared at him in warning. He swallowed hard and looked at Severus' eyes that had finally looked back at him. His mouth opened and it looked as if he would speak, but he quickly shut it and put his things back away into his bag. He left quickly and silently, leaving James panting softly in anger.

Why cant he just... Not be him? Why do I even care? James thought bitterly as he walked slowly to his next class. He wanted to know everything about him. Why couldn't he just let him in?

He couldn't concentrate that night in Gryffindor common room where everyone was busy celebrating. His mind kept wandering back to Severus and he felt so angry with himself for it. He wished he could forget him completely. He couldn't stand how Severus left him wanting more of him. He wanted to be by his side for long periods at a time, whether it be in silence, or them just talking. He imagined that they could hold hands under the tree that Severus loved so much and just get lost in their own worlds.

 _Oh_ , he thought bitterly. _Our own worlds, huh?_ He kept forgetting how different they truly were. It went deeper than them just being in different houses. He knew that they were eventually going to go separate paths, but he also wanted to believe that for maybe just a few more hours, days, or years they could be connected like they had that night.

The remaining days of school past and the summer break was a welcomed time for everyone. Everyone was so excited. They all talked about their plans; quidditch tournaments, family reunions, muggle vacations. It was normally a time of excitement for him, but he hated that he had to leave Severus on such terrible terms. It seemed that no matter how close he wanted to be to the dark boy, he had a large force field that was almost impossible to penetrate.

He gathered his things and packed them away carefully. He left out his cloak and on the very last day of school, he disappeared from the school once more for that school year. The sky was clear and twinkling with many stars. You could make out all the divination constellations and he grinned to himself when he couldn't name a single one. He felt he had definitely failed that test.

He came at the edge of the woods where it met the familiar cliff with the single tree that Severus laid against. He gently took off his cloak and went to him. He noticed that the boy didn't bother to acknowledge him as he sat beside him. James looked at his face and frowned when he saw that he looked as sad as he had at Christmas break. It was hard for him to look at him that way.

"How are you, Severus?"

He was rather surprised when the boy softly replied, "Terrible, Potter. Absolutely terrible."

"Care to share your trouble?" He took a moment to look up at the sky with Severus and look at exactly what he did.

Severus laughed bitterly and smiled sadly to himself, "I come here to forget my troubles, not to share them. Now, go away and leave me alone." James paused when he heard Severus' words slurred together at the end. James narrowed his eyes at Severus and leaned in closer to smell his breath. Severus growled and pushed him away, "Get away, potter..."

"Severus... That's fire whiskey."

Severus rolled his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree, "Oh, you're so clever, Potter. Always pointing out the obvious. I mean, you remind me of a five year old when all they can do is ask questions about everything. You're just... So annoying, Potter."

James didn't flinch at the insults, "Why were you drinking, Severus?"

"You're just so dense... It's like everything always evolves around you and I get so sick of it. A lot of times, I just want to invent a hex that would just... Make you listen to yourself constantly and realize how you never shut up.. a-and how ignorant you are. Shit, you're just so annoying."

James sat there calmly and took everything he said in stride, "I don't talk that much, Severus."

"Codswallop! You're always talking about yourself. The sad thing is that you don't even notice it. It's one of the reasons Lily can't stand you. Yeah, Potter, that's right! She told me how much she hates you and- and..." His voice trailed off and James saw a smile creep onto his face. James' heart skipped a beat at the image, a similar smile gracing his face.

"She does? I never noticed, before. What else did she tell you?" The more he thought about, he realized that this was the longest conversation that he ever had with Severus.

"Oh, tons of stuff!" He said as he stood up and stretched his hands over his head with a yawn, "She hates us both, you know. It used to bother me, but now it seems like a distant memory." He retrieved his wand from his robe with difficulty and yelled, "Accio Firewhisky!" What seemed like only a minute, a half empty bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky flew into his hand and he tilted his head back so that the drink went down his throat. He coughed for a moment and panted as he wiped his mouth.

"Cheers, Potter! Just don't tell Lucius! It's from his stash, but I'm not sure he will care since he's graduated this year. I drank his other bottle already," He said as he offered the bottle to James. James shook his head and took the bottle so he could set it beside himself out of reach of Severus. Severus didn't notice and fell onto his back carefully when he lowered to the ground, his head beside James' lap as he looked past the top of the trees, "It should bother me a lot, right? It should and used to, but I just have other things to worry about. Relationships are so distant in my mind right now... Well, at least that relationship."

"Then what else is worrying you then, Severus?"James asked as he laid down beside Severus, but with his head still turned to the side so he could watch him.

"Home." He frowned deeply at the thought and James waited for him to continue, "Every year, I come here the night before we go on the train to Hogwarts and empty my mind. I'm fairly decent at it. This is the first year, though, that I bothered to bring whisky with me. Oh, I like it a lot better. Perhaps, not later, but it will do for now."

"What's wrong with your home? Do you not like it there?"

"Of course I don't like it. The only good thing about it was that Lily lived near by. She was my mini escape until I made it to Hogwarts when I was eleven. Even though you and Sirius were close to being the worst people I ever met and absolutely loathed you, Hogwarts just began to become my escape. It's so far away from my home..."

"It's that bad?" James asked slowly, feeling worried for Severus. Severus nodded, but didn't elaborate more. Severus' eyes slowly drifted shut and his breathing slowed and deepened noticeably.

James pat his chest and sighed, "Severus, it's not good to sleep on that stuff." And he was right. Severus soon awoke and rolled over onto his side with his back to James, vomiting onto the grass. Tears stung his eyes as he coughed and sputtered, his body trembling from the powerful convulsions. James helped him sit up and he noticed that Severus didn't object when James pulled him into his lap so that his head was resting against James' chest. His hand clutched James' robe sleeve as another wave of nausea racked his body. James gently brushed his black hair away from his lips and calmly helped him lean over onto his side again so he could empty the rest of his stomach onto the grass.

Severus let out a sob after a good dry heaving and trembled, "I hate... I hate you so much..."

James sat him up against his chest again and wrapped his arms around him, feeling Severus clutch onto his sleeve again, "I know, Severus."

The next day came quickly after James helped him back to his dorm. Severus had managed to stay awake long enough to tell him the portraits password as they snuck in with James' invisibility cloak. He dragged his trunk out in front of the school and followed the crowd to the train, looking around occasionally for Severus. He spotted Severus as he was about to board. Severus' eyes had deep dark circles under them and they squinted at the bright morning sun. He winced as the crowd occasionally laughed and talked loud in excitement. He was much slower than everyone else, so James dragged his trunk back so he could walk beside Severus.

Severus held up a threatening finger when James opened his mouth to say something, growling, "If you breathe a single word about last night to anyone, I will kill you personally with my bare hands. Understand?"

James grinned and chuckled, "I'll be sure to write to you, Severus."


	6. Chapter 6- Strangers in a Family

**Chapter Six**

 **Strangers in a Family**

* * *

Severus had to take a taxi cab from the station, having saved muggle money over his years. He could have easily taken the Knight Bus, but he hated being jostled around and being in the company of other strange wizards and witches. No, he much preferred being safely driven calmly to his house on Spinner's Street. He watched as the buildings passed by and felt a sinking feeling when they neared his street. He still had a headache from the after affects of the Firewhiskey and was not keen on having to listen to his mother and father yelling at one another. He paid the driver and dragged his trunk from the back of the cab. He looked up at the brick house that definitely seen better days.

He opened the door and heaved the trunk into the entryway, panting as he closed the door quickly. He held his breath and placed a hand against the wall that was peeling with paint as he expected the worse. He expected to hear his fathers heavy footsteps in the hallway and to feel a sharp pop to his head, but none of that came.

He looked up again and slowly took his trunk through the house to his room. He gently closed the door and began to unpack his clothes, placing them back into the empty closet and dresser. The dresser and a single bed is all the room offered. He didn't mind. He tried not to stay in the room often in the day. He sat on his bed for a few moments and listened closely to the house. He couldn't hear his fathers snores or harsh words in the house. Perhaps he had gone to a pub.

He exited his room and quietly slipped into the living room, only stopping when he heard his mother's voice, "How was your school year, Severus?" He quickly devoid his face of all emotion and looked into the next room where his mothers back was to him.

He heard the soft sound of a knife on a cutting board and swallowed hard as he answered, "It was fine. Where's father?"

"At the pub down the street, of course." She said it as if it occurred all the time, which did. It was a fact that Tobias never missed a day to go to the local pub and harass patrons with his friends. "Come now, Severus. Sit. Lunch is almost finished."

"I'm not hungry, Mum." Which he really wasn't. He hardly ever ate. His mind didn't always immediately go to food like some people. He ate when it seemed necessary.

"Sit." The simple command had enough force in it that Severus reluctantly went into their small kitchen and sit in his normal seat toward the corner. He watched his mother glance around in habit and retrieve her old wand from a hidden pocket in her apron. She gave a small flick of the wrist and the mess that had been made in preparation for the dinner disappeared from the counters.

Tobias didn't permit magic to be performed in his house, let alone around him. The last time he found her using a spell, he snapped the wand in half and screamed at her as if she had betrayed him. She received a terrible beating during that night. She bought another when she went with Severus to help him collect that following years supplies and made sure that Tobias would never find it.

The door slammed and she gave a small jump, stowing away the wand back into her apron. Tobias could be heard cursing loudly as he fumbled with taking his work boots off. "It better be a decent meal, this time," He said in the direction of the kitchen and Eileen flinched at the underlined warning in his voice.

She silently placed the plates of slices of roast, mashed potatoes, and carrots. One plate was the largest and had the most. That was of course Tobias Snape's plate. Eileen quickly sat in her normal seat and looked down at her plate as Tobias entered the room with the smell of alcohol strong on his clothes and breath.

Tobias scoffed and looked at Severus, "So it was today that you returned, eh?" When Severus didn't answer, Tobias reached out and smacked the side of Severus' head, "I asked you a fucking question." Eileen and Severus didn't seem to react much to the outburst, but storms raged in the both of them. Severus' was the stronger of the two.

You piece of muggle trash! Do you have any idea what I could do to you right now?! DO you have the smallest inkling of understanding what I do at school? What I learn so I can destroy pieces of shits like you? "Yes, father, today was the day I was meant to return." Severus' voice was so calm.

Tobias seemed to be content with his answer and sat in his seat. He looked at the meal and felt satisfied enough to eat it. When he began to eat, Eileen followed slowly, and Severus pushed his peas around his plate.

A "family" wasn't a word to describe the people that sat around the table. No, family was the word you used with people you trusted, related or not. None of them trusted one another. No one would trust the other to themselves. It was a dog eat dog household.

A small, frail and pale woman could be seen shaking as she ate. Her black hair was hastily put up into a top bun and she wore the best clothes that she could afford to buy herself, which were cheap and drab clothes. She didn't argue with the "allowance" she was allowed. She was meant to stay where she was and take care of her husband.

A large and intimidating man was eating his meal as if it had been days since he last ate. He had strong facial features that was hidden a bit behind a slight shag of a beard and piercing brown eyes that resembled chocolate. His temper was like a field of landmines. It was so easy to step on one and watch it blow up before you. Even people outside the home knew how he was. Did anyone do anything about it? Of course not.

Severus sitting between the two held a strong resemblance to Eileen. He shared the same midnight black hair as his mother, black, dull eyes, thin lips, and small frame. He was the spitting image of her. He had his fathers chiseled jawline and hooked nose. That was all there was between the two. Severus could perhaps appear to others as perhaps a nephew to Tobias. He didn't look like the direct descendant of the man.

Tobias suddenly growled when he saw how Severus was playing with his food, "Severus, eat your bloody food. Now." Severus looked up, but didn't attempt to eat. He didn't want to obey this time. Why did it matter if he ate or not? "Are you trying to say that you're too good for your mum's cooking? Is that it, then?" He pushed back his chair and went to Severus' side of the table without waiting for a reply, grabbing him by the side of his hair and pulling him away while yelling, "Then you can go without food for a few days then!"

Severus hissed in pain and stumbled after Tobias while being dragged to his room. He was thrown onto his bedroom floor and he heard his bedroom door lock. He heard more yelling from his father and a scream from his mother. He didn't flinch at her voice. There was an unspoken agreement between her and him. Neither helped the other. Severus grew up learning that nobody but himself could protect him. No magic in that house could fully prevent the emotional abuse that man brought upon them.

He rubbed the side of his head and winced at the pain. Oh, his headache from before was blazing at full force, pounding terribly against his temple. He looked at his window as he tried to rub the pain away. Dark clouds were circling outside the house, almost as a sign of what was happening within. He frowned and went to it, using his wand to unlock the window that his father had made sure was tightly sealed so Severus wouldn't escape. He grunted as he slipped through it easily and carefully shut it behind him.

He made sure he disappeared undetected from the house and dodged down alleyways till he arrived at a small field located near his house. He stood there a moment and took in the appearance of the barely touched land. A group of trees stood off to the side, undetected to the normal muggle eye. No one cared about the spot as much as he did. He trekked to the tree that set in the middle of the rest upon the bottom of a hill, feeling rain begin to slowly fall. He didn't mind.

The trees leaves and branches offered minimal cover to him. It had been so long since he came to this spot. It had once been a painful and yet happy memory of his. It was the spot he met Lily Evans. He still remembered how he had hidden in the hole that the tree provided. He felt safe there away from his father. He watched when Petunia bullied Lily for being what he called "special". Here had been when their short friendship began. He still felt a bitter sensation when he thought of her.

He called her a Mudblood. She never forgave him for it and it was the ultimate moment that their friendship broke. He wished he could take it all back. He needed her then. He craved her presence. She was the only one he had never felt alone with. There were so many people that sat around him at Hogwarts or passed him on the muggle streets, but he always felt so alone.

He sat there for the longest time. The rain had long since stopped and his black hair clung to the side of his face. He knew that his father still hadn't realized his absence. He rarely noticed when he was gone, but always noticed when he was there.

He heard a soft hoot in the distance and looked up to see a barn owl swooping down onto one of the lower branches. It looked at him with beady black eyes and hooted once more before offering its foot out to reveal a sealed and soaked parchment. Severus stood up and quickly took the parchment from the owl, watching it fly back away. He looked down at the parchment and broke the seal, unrolling it.

 _Severus,_

 _I wrote as soon as I arrived home. I wanted to make sure that you arrived at your home safely. Are you settled in well? Are your Mum and Dad well? I hope you write to me as often as I will too. I don't want to lose touch even though were not in school at the moment. Trust me, I will be just as annoying to you outside of school as I have in it. I know you hate being asked so many questions and I know that you like to be left alone, but I still want to send you regular letters. Is that ok? I'll still write even if you say no._

 _Sincerely, James_

 _P.S. The other owl that came with mine is now your owl. I didn't see you with one throughout the school year, so I had Dad buy one so we can keep in touch. I named him Grendal._

Severus looked up and noticed that there truly had been another owl. It was a similar barn owl to the one James had sent, but this one's feathers were darker than the others. This one must have arrived after James' since Severus hadn't heard his arrival. Severus found a smile slowly appearing on his face as he offered his arm to the owl. _Potter, you're such a twit_ , he thought. He felt excitement well up in him. He wouldn't call James a friend, but he felt relief in having someone else to talk to during the summer. He knew Lily wouldn't speak to him, so he was suddenly happy that James would. He wouldn't be alone.

Eileen had never bought him an owl. They scraped by with getting the absolutely necessary supplies. She said he hadn't a need for an owl. They wouldn't be sending letters to him and he wouldn't send letters to them either.

"If the school really wants to get in contact with us, they will send their own owl, Severus." She had said when he asked about it in his first year. He didn't argue with her.

He froze when Grendal swooped and gave a soft hoot to him. His father. Why hadn't he thought of that? His father would never let him keep this owl. It would be a disaster if he heard the owl in his room and became angry. He would feel bad if he didn't give the owl a proper home, so there was only one thing to do if he didn't want his father to surely kill it. He frowned and looked at the owl, "Let me write a letter right quick, but please stay here. I won't be long." Grendal flew up to his branch again and screeched at him impatiently.

Severus ran to his street and slipped back into his room. He rustled through his trunk and retrieved a quill, bottle of ink, and parchment. He sat on the floor and wrote quickly in hopes that Grendal would not leave him.

 _Potter,_

 _That was rather idiotic of you to do. I don't need an owl here, Potter, so I will return him to you. Do not send him back._

 _Severus._

He rolled and sealed the parchment, escaping through the alley once again and to the tree where Grendal still sat. Severus carefully tied it to his leg and spoke to him, "To Potter, please. Stay there with him." Grendal took off with another screech and flew off into the distance once again. Severus stood there with the letter from James still clutched in his hand. His heart felt like it was sinking as he watched the ear completely disappear in the distance. He hoped that if James were to send another letter, it would be here and not at his house.

* * *

 **I'm so excited that I'm getting reviews on this! I never thought in my mind that it was a story deserving of such, but you will not know how excited it makes me to know that some people are interested in this. Thank you all so much and shout out to the people that have read up to this point!**


	7. Chapter 7- Diagon Alley

**Chapter Seven**

 **Diagon Alley**

* * *

James kept to his word when he told Severus that he would write to him often. He sent a letter about once a week, asking him how he was, how home was, recapping him on James' holiday, etc. Severus never replied to any of them. James would send each one with a hope that he would be able to talk to Severus, but each time there would be no word from Severus. He would sit in his bedroom at the end of the day and wait for his owl to return. Nothing ever came.

He tried to send Severus Gerald when he read his letter, but the owl would always come back to James until he finally gave up and let it live in the house with him and his owl. Occasionally, he would receive letter from Sirius, Remus, and Peter and he found himself reluctantly replying normally.

He didn't tell Sirius how often he was trying to keep in touch with Severus. It was not a secret how Sirius felt about James' infatuation with Severus. On the train, he glared at James the whole ride to the station. James felt uncomfortable, but knew he couldn't talk to Sirius without Remus and Peter listening to them. James soon found exactly what Sirius had been holding in form a letter sent to him the next day.

You need to stop this madness. I'm warning you now, James. It will blow up in your face sooner or later and you will realize just how right I was.

James immediately crumbled it in his hand and tossed it in his waste basket. He was so angry at Sirius. Sirius had told him in the passageway that he didn't agree to it, but it seemed like he wouldn't say anything more against it. Who cared who he chose to pursue after? Sirius has done far worse things than this in his opinion.

James forgot about the letter until Sirius appeared on his doorstep with his trunk beside his leg, looking sullen, "I left them." Sirius said it so simply, yet James could tell that it was still hard for him to admit. "You know I have no where to go, so... I came here."

His eyes looked at James pleadingly and James laughed softly, "Sirius, you know Mum and Dad will love that you're here. Come on!" James helped Sirius pull the trunk into the house and he called out, "Mum!"

Euphemia stuck her head out of a room at the end of the hall, "Yes, James?" She saw Sirius and beamed at him as she left the room covered in flour, "Hello, Sirius! We weren't expecting you... I would have cleaned better... Especially your room, James."

James quickly changed the subject, "Sirius left his house and doesn't have a place to go, so can he live here with us?"

"That was a silly question, James; of course he can! Sirius, you know we've always considered you as a son. We will always have a place for you, Sirius. We've been so happy that you've been such a good friend to James. You can take the spare bedroom across from James' room."Sirius smiled at the statements and followed James up the stairs when Euphemia used her wand to put the trunk away into a spare bedroom. "Boys, this is a good timing. I'm needing to go out to Diagon Alley and it would be perfect to get all your supplies then."

"Aw, Mum... Do we have to do that today? Can't we let Sirius get settled in first?"

"No, James. We need to do this as soon as possible so we won't have to go and get everything last minute. I'll change and then we can all go."

James groaned softly and followed Sirius up the stairs to the spare bedroom. Sirius opened the trunks and grinned at James when he asked, "Did you by any chance bring those muggle girl posters you always talked about?"

"No, I left those there. I used a sticking spell, so they won't be coming off anytime soon. Mum will be so pissed." James felt a little disappointed at this information since he always was curious about what a muggle looked like in a bikini. Sirius had assured him that it was just very small pieces of clothing only holding up their breasts and covering their nethers.

"Come on, boys! I want to finish the rest of the dinner before your father gets home, so we need to quickly go!" Sirius and James went down the stairs and out onto the streets. She looked around curiously to see if any of their muggle neighbors could see them as she held out her arms for the boys to hold onto while she apparated them to Diagon Alley.

James shivered and glanced at Sirius' similar uncomfortable face. He always hated the feeling of travelling that way. Euphemia made sure her hair was still in its perfect shape before smiling at the boys, "Lead the way!"

James huffed in annoyance when his mother followed closely behind the two boys, "Mum, you know we can shop by ourselves." Sometimes he felt like she did things this way to annoy him. He knew she knew how much it bothered him for his mother to be in such close proximity as him as if he was a child.

Euphemia couldn't suppress a giggle when she saw her son looking around them self consciously, "Oh, now, really? I'm your mother! I want to be with you every chance I get, because you always leave me in September and never write! Now, if you had written to me, I wouldn't be doing this. Teaches you a lesson on contacting your mother, doesn't it? it's almost as if you didn't miss me." She grinned triumphantly when James groaned and crossed his arms over his chest.

Sirius chuckled and nudged James' shoulder, "Come on, mate. It's not that bad. At least you have a mother that cares enough about you." James sighed in annoyance and glared at Sirius. He was enjoying this far too much. Sirius merely smiled innocently at him.

Euphemia saw Flourish and Bott's and sighed softly with a smile still on her lips, "Ok, fine. I'm going to get you boys' books for your classes. Papers, please." Sirius and James handed over the school supply list they received by owl and she cooed in awe, "Well, I'm very pleased to see that you both will be joining potions. Oh, James, why didn't you tell your father and I? He will be so pleased!"

James felt a blush rush to his cheeks and he tried to hide it from her by turning her around and pushing her in the direction of the bookstore, "Mum, please go!" Euphemia giggled and waved goodbye to the boys as she followed a crowd into the store. James sighed in relief and looked at Sirius, "I knew I shouldn't have taken potions this year..."

He had considered not taking the class so he wouldn't have to live up to his father's expectations and skills. Everyone knew his father was rather talented in the art, having invented something as well known as Sleekeazy'z Hair Potion, but James' cauldron always showed a color that was different from the required one. He somehow managed to receive an A in the class, not thanks to Sirius, of course. In any other circumstance, he would have immediately dropped the class and refuse to continue. No, he joined the class knowing Severus would be there. Slytherins and Gryffindor always shared the class together so he expected to see Severus there. He wished Sirius hadn't taken the class also so he could secretly watch Severus. His friend was irritated enough with having to board with the Potter family without having Severus Snape another problem to deal with. He just hated feeling like a moocher on people, especially ones as kind as the Potter family.

Sirius looked across the street and pointed to the ice cream parlor, "Hey, I bet you anything Peter's there. Remus and him told me they would be here, but I had no idea we would be coming too. Bet they'd both be surprised to see us. Remus might be in the Apothecary, but we both know how much Peter likes sweets. Which should we go to first?"

James scrunched up his nose at immediately finding Peter. He was a close friend, but not a very enjoyable companion when it came to conversing, and that was exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted his mind distracted from the thought of Severus, "The Apothecary. It will be nice to check on him since it's so close to the full moon." Sirius nodded in agreement and followed James to the store.

They both entered and heard a tiny bell ring above their heads. People were muttering to themselves as both parents and students attempted to find their required ingredients for their school year. It didn't take long for Sirius to call out to Remus.

Remus looked up from his hands full of ingredients, "Oh... Hi, guys. Didn't know you two would be here today... Did you by chance see Peter?" James noted how there were dark circles under his eyes and how pale he appeared. A small sweat had broken out above his brow and he hastily rubbed it away. It was clear that he had a fever, but James knew well the symptoms he had before the moon broke out into full view.

Sirius shook his head and scratched his chin where a small stubble had began to grow, "Well, no. We thought we would check on you first before we went to look for him."

"I'm sure he's in Fortescue's shop right now eating his face out in ice cream. I told him that he needed to get his school supplies so his Mum didn't have to bustle about, but I'm guessing that he didn't listen, like always. He's almost as bad as you two."

James and Sirius both chuckled at the last part and James found himself sticking his hands in his pockets, "Well, we can't exactly help that when you don't speak loud enough over the sound of teachers to stop us. Oh, everyone loves the pranks anyway."

"Not everyone, James. There's quite a few people who would love to see you expelled for your antics."

"Like Snivellus," Sirius said bitterly, his eyes narrowing at the thought of the boy. James frowned at the harsh name.

Remus nodded, "Exactly. He just might succeed in convincing the head master to expel you if you pull another attempt to have him killed, Sirius." Remus was still bitter about the incident that almost happened years prior when Sirius baited Severus into going to the Shrieking Shack where he had been hiding to ride out his once a month shift.

Sirius huffed, "But he didn't die, Remus! You would think you would have let that one go by now..."

"Let go that you used my disease as a prank, fully knowing how dangerous it was! For Merlin's sake, Sirius," His voice slowly lowered to a harsh whisper when he noticed how many people were beginning to look, "You guys had to learn an advanced spell just to keep me company. Severus didn't fully have any idea what he was getting into."

Sirius frowned more and muttered, "I already said I was sorry..." Silence fell between the three boys and they all began to continue their search for their ingredients. Remus was bitter with Sirius for a short while longer, but then both of the boys seemed to calm down when they both helped once another gather everything they needed, "Perhaps its over there..."

"Remus, do you mind if I borrow your list for a second," James asked when he had all the ingredients he could remember. Remus handed him the list and James began to wander around the store in search of the things on the list.

He wasn't paying attention to what he was doing and accidentally bumped into a frail and small woman, knocking over the things in her hands. She gave a small curse under her breath and James gasped as he placed his ingredients on a shelf to help the woman, "I'm so sorry... I wasn't paying attention and-"

"It's fine," Snapped the woman as she tried to pick up everything. James raised up so he could hand her the ones that he gathered, but paused when he felt a sense of recognition. The woman took the ingredients with a small thanks and turned away so she could reach for the one that she was trying to gather before James ran into her.

James spoke softly as he touched her shoulder to get her attention, "Are you related to Severus Snape?" She looked so much like him. She was clearly Severus' mother. She had his dark eyes, nose, black hair, and pale skin. He hadn't thought about what Severus' parents might look like, but now he was slighlty curious to see what his father would look like.

The woman flinched and jerked her shoulder away from James, looking at him with a familiar angry expression. The expression slipped into what he found was a mix between confusion and distaste, "Yes... He's my son. I suppose you must know him. Are you in his house by chance?"

"No... I'm part of Gryffindor."

"Then how do you know him? You've seen him around the school?"

"Well, he's one of my friends, so-"

The woman groaned and pinched the bridge of her hooked nose, annoyance crossing her face, "For the love of- that boy can't do anything right. A Gryffindor of all things... This never happened when I went to Hogwarts, that's for sure."

"What do you mean by that?" James was becoming annoyed by the woman's attitude. He now assumed that she had also been sorted into Slytherin when she went to the school. She still had no right to talk to him the way she was. Did the rivalry between the houses never disappear when everyone grew up?

"Mum, I got-" James looked over the woman's shoulder and saw Severus looking at James with wide eyes. He soon frowned and went to his mother's side, "What are you doing talking to my mother, Potter?"

James took a moment to take in Severus' appearance. His hair had grown a little past his shoulders, but James assumed he would have it cut soon, but he also noticed how much taller he had become. When he had barely been above James' chin, he was now at the same height as him, if not maybe an inch taller. James had always found the shortness a cute attribute of Severus' but he also didn't mind that he was beginning to look more like a man finally. His chiseled jaw line was more pronounced now, but his eyes remained as black and cold as ever. _And his voice_ , James thought with a small shiver. It had dropped an octave or two.

"Severus, this boy says that he's your friend. A Gryffindor boy says he's your friend..." There was a hint in her voice that was full of disappointment and malice.

Severus shook his head firmly and gave his mother a sincere look, "Mum, he's not... He likes to say he is." Severus gave James a hard look when James wanted to say something else, but he stopped when he noticed Severus' look. The look promised James certain punishment if he said another word to his mother.

The woman growled in annoyance and pinned Severus with a stern look, "And why would he think that, Severus? Do you take me as a fool? Come." She grabbed his arm and led him away to the back of the shop where she could pay for the ingredients they had. Severus glanced back at James and glared at him in anger with a silent threat and warning in his eyes.

He gripped his ingredients in his hand as he watched Severus and his mother quickly leaving the shop, waiting until they were far gone to go to Remus and Sirius. Remus was busy counting out all their ingredients and making sure that everyone had exactly what they needed, "Sirius, you forgot your Fluxweed-"

"Here," James said bitterly, "I have extra." Sirius took it and took a moment to notice the sour look on James' face. He looked at him in question and he gave a small shake of the head for Sirius to not ask. They all paid for their things and went outside with their ingredients safely in packages.

They passed the ice cream parlor and looked through the window to see Peter still eating part of his ice cream. Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed, "He's- whatever, I'll get him." He went into the shop and surprised Peter by nudging his shoulder from behind. Peter seemed to stammer at him and Sirius shook his head, pointing to Remus and James who were standing outside.

Peter followed Sirius outside and he smiled at the group, "Hi, James; Remus..." Remus and James smiled to him.

"Did you get everything you came for, Wormtail?" Sirius asked while using the sneaky nickname for Peter.

Peter nodded and held up a large bag in his hand full of packages, "Mum is picking out some new robes. I seem to have grown a bit too much to keep using the same robes... She dropped the bags off to me before she left, though."

Remus chuckled and nodded, "Yes, we could all see your ankles by the end of last year."

Peter's cheeks heated and whined softly in protest, "Was not! W-well, did you guys get everything?"

"I just finished off the list," Said Remus, "But James and Sirius just got here, so I'm not sure about them."

"James' mum went to Flourish and Bott's to get the rest of the supplies, but I don't think she will be out any time soon. There was a huge crowd that followed in with her. It seems like everyone decided to go this day to get everything." James silently agreed.

"James! Sirius!" James looked behind him to see his mother calling out in a crowd, looking for the two boys. Remus and Peter followed them to her and she smiled warmly at the boys, "Well, hello again, Peter and Remus. Did you enjoy your summer? I would hope so. Oh, Sirius, we must get you new robes. Your old ones just never appeared to fit right. James, you too since you grew a bit too."

Remus chuckled as James rolled his eyes at the prospect of having to be poked with pins and measured for new robes, "Well, I'll see you at the station, James." He waved goodbye to Sirius and James, but wasn't surprised when Peter joined him in walking away from the group.

Sirius sighed softly and looked at James as Euphemia led them toward the shop, "We might as well get it over with, right?"

* * *

 **Ok, so with my personal image had been of Severus was the anime version of him that I've seen around the internet. I really liked the petite idea of him, but I realize that he's gonna have to be closer to the Severus Snape we all know and love.**


	8. Chapter 8- Scream

**Chapter Eight**

 **Scream**

* * *

Summer had been just as bad as all the other ones for Severus, but his father had been especially harsh with the owl that repeatedly came to Severus to deliver mail from James. He always tried to meet the owl when he would sneak out of the house, but sometimes James would send it too early or late. Severus didn't even have a chance to read them before Tobias would tear them without reading them and punish Severus. Severus felt grateful at the same time that his father never bothered to read them. He could only imagine what some of the letters were about. More than once with the letter he managed to receive, he would blush at the profane language James used to describe what he would like to do with Severus. Severus would tear them up like his father in annoyance and embarrassment. He couldn't stand how James did that to him.

It had been months since he last had sex and it was showing in his mood. He was incredibly frustrated and irritable, that sometimes he couldn't hold his mouth from being sarcastic to his father on some nights. He had been so used to being fucked every week and now Lucius was gone, and from the letter he received toward the end of the summer, was engaged to Narcissa Black. He felt bitter to the engagement, but congratulated him regardless. He had even sent a personal invitation to his mother.

"This is exactly the sort of friend you should associate with, Severus. We're going to that wedding and I want you to make more connections than what you have." She was still bitter about James announcing to her that he was friends with Severus. Severus felt the same as her.

"I have plenty of connections, Mum."

"But are you truly close to any? The only one that you are seems to be Lucius and his family. You need to become closer to the Lestrange's also."

"I'm close to Rodolphus-"

"You're not understanding a single word, are you? I'm telling you that it isn't the same to only know one person from a family as prestigious as the Malfoy's or Lestrange's. You need to work hard to mark your place with everyone that is closest to The Dark Lord. The better you know people, the better off you will be when he rises to take over. Do you understand now, Severus?"

Severus had to bite his tongue when he nodded so he wouldn't snap back at his mother. He wasn't stupid. He was always looking for ways in his house to get closer to the people that were how his mother described. He knew exactly who they were and he made a point to talk to them often. They all seemed to like him fine, as far as he could tell. He knew his name was firmly set in the eyes of many as someone to associate with. That was more than what he could tell about most of the people he came to contact with at school. His friends saw him for more than what everyone saw. They saw him as valuable with his extensive knowledge in the dark arts and the curses he knew how to preform perfectly.

Finally his letter from Hogwarts arrived with his list of supplies needed for his classes. He had nearly all O's in most of his subjects, but he felt most proud of his Potions results. He was always rather talented with potions, but he was excited to be doing advanced studies in them. He felt confident that he would receive full marks on his future N.E.W.T.s for the class.

The day couldn't come quick enough to leave his home once more. He packed all his things away into his trunk and didn't say goodbye to his mother before getting into another cab to the station. He positioned himself in front of platform 9 3/4 and ran right through, arriving on the other side. He heard the familiar whistle of the black and red train and pulled his things into the train without stopping to observe all the happy and anxious students leaving their families. He sat in a room that was empty and retrieved his new potions book from his trunk before more people could come in.

About two more Slytherins came into the room and laughed together as one spoke a rather crude yet funny joke. Severus ignored them the whole train ride as he read the text book. Occasionally they would ask him a question or two and he would answer as much as he could before they would turn their attention to themselves again. Severus didn't mind, though. They were not exactly a popular group of Slytherins so he didn't have a pressure to immediately befriend them like his mother wanted. He felt very fortunate for having picked this room.

He gave a small stretch when darkness fell and the castle came into view of the train. He smiled to himself and finally closed his text book in his lap, having already finished 3/4 of it for the second time. He followed the other students out of the train and to the familiar carriages pulled by Thestrals. From his knowledge, not many students at Hogwarts could actually see them. He couldn't, but sometimes he saw some of his classmates staring at the spot where they would be if seen.

He sat at his house table without looking at the Gryffindor table and watched as the sorting hat sorted out the group of new students that all looked incredibly nervous. He was hardly interested in the event, barely clapping when someone was sorted into the Slytherin house. He just wanted to eat. A headache had begun to creep in his scalp from having not eaten since the day before. He had to admit to himself that he was for once quite hungry. He was grateful when Professor Dumbledore didn't give a terribly long speech. It still had the warnings of the forest, corridor roaming at night, and wand use in the halls between classes. Everything that Severus always disobeyed.

Dinner ended with everyone chatting happily and excitedly about how the summer holidays had gone and the school year ahead of them. Severus chatted briefly with a few Slytherin boys while they all headed to their own house common rooms. Severus stayed up with his classmates, occasionally sharing a joke or even discussing the recent deaths by the hand of The Dark Lord. Everyone retired to bed around the late hours of the night, but Severus stayed to watch the embers of the fire slowly die.

It was no longer a difficult task to sneak to the forest. After all the years of finding hiding places and corridors that was never occupied often by teachers. He was once again under his favorite tree on the cliff in the Forbidden Forest. He could see smoke rising from the hut below him at the edge of the forest and gave a soft yawn. He pulled out his wand and quietly whispered Lumos to it. It gave a soft glow that lit his lap and he pulled his Advanced Potions textbook into his lap. One hand was holding the wand and the other was beginning to write down observations and corrections in it.

"The class hasn't even given its first lesson and yet you're already correcting them? How smart of you, Severus." Severus gave a small jump in surprise and looked beside him where the voice had been. He growled and pulled at the soft cloth to expose James, glaring at him when he saw the smirk on his face, "Nice summer?" Severus watched James stand up and stretch with a yawn, "Do you ever sleep?"

Severus didn't feel surprised at the presence of James. He came so often the previous school year that he just expected it from him, "Go away." He knew James wouldnt, but he could always hope that one day the boy would get it through his thick skull how much he loathed him being there.

"Oh, I actually came for something this time. How about a quick romp?" Severus didn't look up from his book, but hoped that James couldn't see the blush that slowly crept up his cheeks as he glared at the same sentence in his book without actually reading it.

"We had a deal, Potter." He mumbled with clenched teeth.

James laughed softly and bent down so he could twirl a piece of Severus' hair between his finger, "We didn't make a "deal". We played a game that you lost. Now we need to play another much funner one. Want to hear what I called it? It's called Scream. It's where I fuck you so hard that you scream, but I of course will not stop there. No, I want your voice to be gone by morning."

"Potter, I hope you know how much I hate you," Severus whispered with rage as he stood up to face James. His fists were clenched beside him as he glared daggers at James.

James gave a sheepish smile and placed his hands into the pockets of his robes, "I know, Severus. I'm only trying to offer my services to you."

"Bloody services? What makes you think I even want to lie with you again? I dont need your services." Severus' temper was flaring as he glared at James' calm and arrogant face. He was so angry that James was once again going to give him hell for another year. He truly wanted to forget the deeds of the last year and continue on his path of the dark arts, but James was now like a very obvious road block.

"Oh, but I think you really do. See, I haven't had sex since I last laid with you under this tree. I'm restless, but so are you. How long has it been since you got fucked by that blond pompous twit? I'm sure it's been quite a few months now since you had a good romping and now I'm the only choice you have. How would all of your Slytherin friends think of you when you're begging for sex... But, wait... They already know how much of a slag you are. Isn't that right, Slytherin Slag?" Severus grit his teeth and balled up his fists as rage coursed through his body. He ran forward with his fist raised, but James once again caught his wrists and grunted, "I'm still stronger than you, Severus." Severus growled in frustration as he tried to desperately wring his hands from his grip so he could punch the prettiness out of James' face.

James leaned forward suddenly and bit into Severus' neck on the spot that he knew he was weak to. Severus gasped and his fists unclenched in surprise. To his displeasure, he felt his cock throb at the feeling of James' teeth trailing doing to his shoulder and biting once more into his porcelain skin. Severus squirmed under the intensity of James' touches, but couldnt stop a moan from escaping his lips as his eyes fluttered shut. James had let go of Severus' wrists when he knew he wouldn't fight back. His fingers trailed over Severus' ribs and to his waist before holding his hips firmly while leaning in close to kiss him. Severus finally gave into the gentle tug and nibble upon his lip, growling playfully as he nipped James' lip back. His arms wrapped around the other boys neck as he kissed him back with more intensity, his tongue lashing out against James'. He knew he shouldn't be doing this. He knew that this was wrong on so many levels, but he had been deprived all summer of touches similar to his. He needed every single touch to survive. That's exactly what it was. Survival.

Severus had to pull back for a breath to whisper, "Potter... Stop teasing me... If you're going to fuck me then do it quickly..."

Severus watched as James smiled and gripped his hips tighter, "We both know that you live for the teasing, Severus."

Severus helped James to dis-robe them both and threw their clothes on the grass beside them. James pushed Severus onto his back and quickly went between his legs to lick him. Severus' eyes widened and he gave a soft gasp when he felt James' tongue flick at the head of his cock, "Potter, no- Don't!"

"Be quiet Severus, or would you rather me punish you? It would be so lovely to see how blood could contrast with your porcelain skin. Is that what you're wanting?" His head was raised to look at Severus and he had a sly grin on his lips. He just loved watching Severus wrestle with his own desires.

Severus shivered at James' words and felt more blood rush to his cock, twitching slightly when he whispered, "Yes... Punish me..." He closed his eyes tight when he saw James raise his hand toward Severus' thigh. He gave out a cry when he felt James' hand meet his tender and skinny thigh. He relished the feeling of the warm sting on his skin. He absolutely loved the pain. It gave him a boost of extra pleasure.

"Come on, Potter! Is that the best you can do?" His eyes appeared hard, but James saw how hard Severus was trying not to grin.

James raised his hand again and left a harder blow, "Call me James, Severus."

"Never," Severus muttered as his eyes fluttered shut again.

He was surprised when James suddenly rolled him over onto his belly, "Ass in the air." Severus hesitated but obeyed when he felt another smack, but this one landed upon his ass. He was panting hard with his face to the ground as James rubbed his cock against Severus' ass, "You have no idea how lovely you look, Severus." James's fingers were tracing the faded letter across Severus' back, causing him to shudder at the sensation.

"Shut the fuck up, Potter, and hurry up!" Severus growled in annoyance. He felt a sharp pain in his scalp when James had reached forward and gripped the nape of his hair. He groaned as his head was forced back to where he was looking up at the trees. He felt James slap his ass cheek again and he gave a soft moan when he felt the aftershock of the action.

"Say my name, Severus." Severus still felt defiant as he panted and gripped the ground below him. He wasn't going to give in that easily.

"Fat... chance..." James' grip tightened on his hair and he pushed into Severus without warning. Severus' eyes were wide and his mouth fell open in a silent scream. Tears formed in his eyes at the sharp pain that erupted in his ass. He had to bite his lip to keep the tears from rolling down his cheek. Severus spread his legs a little wider and arched his back more so that the pain wouldn't be as intense. But it was still there, burning. Pleasure soon began to take over that pain and gave a wonderful mix of it to him. He could tell he was bleeding, but that only made James' movements that much easier. James didn't take long to find Severus' spot and he grinned while panting when he heard a soft mewl escape Severus' lips. Severus felt shame build in him from the sound he made, but he soon forgot it when his spot was hit again.

James slipped out of Severus for a moment so that he could roll him onto his back, feeling a burning desire to see his face. Severus growled in protest, but soon moaned when James placed his calves on his shoulders and thrust into him again. James was leaned forward with one hand gripping Severus' thigh and his other holding himself up over him. James had a fleeting thought of praise for Severus who was proving rather flexible as his knees touched the top of his chest. Severus reached out and grabbed James' arms, gripping them hard. His nails slowly dug into James' skin as he moaned with each thrust. Blood was slowly escaping from under his nails as he raked down James' arms in desperation to hold onto something, but slipping. James hissed in pain, but ignored it when Severus grabbed onto his shoulders for easier support.

James looked down at Severus, feeling his heart swell as he saw the side of his face illuminated by the discarded wand beside them. He looked so beautiful in James' eyes when he would pant with his mouth open and his eyes shut against the pleasure that James gave him. James leaned down and kissed Severus passionately as he came close to his climax. With one final and hard push against Severus' spot, Severus climaxed hard, his hot seed shooting out onto both of their stomachs. James came after, giving a couple final and small thrusts so he was completely emptied into Severus.

Severus was trembling against James, having hugged his neck so tightly that their chests were now firmly connected when James pulled out. Severus felt like the feeling he had was similar to a high on a muggle drug. His head was light and he hardly could tell where he was, just as long as he continued to feel the overwhelming aftershock of the pleasure he had felt.

James panted and pulled away from Severus' grip so he could lay down on the grass beside him. He stared up at the stars with half lidded eyes and slowly closed them. His breathing slowed down and deepened until he was in at deep sleep. Severus say up and looked down at him with his knees pulled to his chest. He felt chilly without the warmth of James' body, but the high was beginning to disappear from his mind. He knew where he was and he knew what he had done.

He gripped the side of the tree and grunted as he stood up with wobbly legs. He scoffed in annoyance when he felt a warm liquid escape down his legs, "Potter..." He looked down at James again and kicked his head lightly, "Wake up..." He narrowed his eyes when James didn't stir and took to stepping on his cheek, pushing his head to the side, "Get the fuck up!" James never stirred once.

Severus sighed and went to his robes, dressing himself. He picked up his book and wand and went over to James again. He picked up the discarded invisibility cloak and covered him with it in case someone or something came across him. He gave a soft sigh once more before leaving the forest on his usual route. He was just at the edge when he saw a dark shadow slink at the edge of the school. It looked as if it was finding a way inside and then seemed to disappear entirely. Severus recognized it to be a big black dog. _A dog on school grounds_ , he thought. _What is a dog doing here?_

* * *

 **Hello, Luvs! I am really sorry about the delay in update, but I was having a bit of trouble at home, so it kind of interfered with my writing time. I felt a little awkward writing this one since of the... ass spanking, but I needed something to be a bit spicy. I hope you enjoyed! More to come! :D**


	9. Chapter 9- Amortentia

**Chapter Nine**

 **Amortentia**

* * *

James awoke the next day with a grunt, realizing that the sun was burning brightly. He sat up and felt a cloth slip off from his body, looking down to see that half his body was gone and he felt completely naked. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a moment to adjust his eyes to the bright sun before remembering why he was not in his bed. He grinned to himself when he remembered the night that Severus and him had shared. He had missed Severus so much during the summer and having been able to touch his warm and soft body was bliss in his mind.

He sat against the tree until sundown and then stretched, yawning softly, "I suppose I need to go."He grabbed his clothes and dressed. He walked out of the woods and went to the castle, slipping in without anyone ever noticing that he had been in the woods all day. He went to the Gryffindor common room and sat in one of the comfy chairs, grinning at Remus who sat in the opposite chair and Peter on the floor as he played with his pet rat.

Remus looked up from his book and raised a questioning eyebrow at him, "Do I even want to know?" James laughed softly and shook his head. Remus sighed and looked down at his book again, becoming immersed in it once more. Peter looked up curiously at James, but said nothing. He yelped when his rat bit his thumb and he sighed as he tried to chase it out from behind the couch.

James looked around the room, "Where's Sirius?"

Remus shrugged and didn't look up from the book, "Don't really know. He was in class, unlike you, but I haven't seen him since then. Might be in the library?" He chuckled to himself, "No, he would never..."

"Really? That's odd..."

James waited until everyone had gone to bed, expecting Sirius to come through the door, having finished a good romp or something of the sort. But, no one but Lily came. She must have been studying late in the library until she was forced out. He knew her to be a rather studious person and would be surprised if she hadn't received O's in at least three-fourths of her classes.

She paused when she saw James, "Catching up on some late studying, James?" She seemed less hostile than normal. _How odd_ , James thought to himself, but didn't dwell too long on the thought.

James gave a small smile and shook his head, "You should know me at least enough to know that if I did, I would be running a fever or under the Imperius curse."

She giggled and held her books to her chest as she blushed at him. She hesitated before taking the seat across from him, nervously brushing her stunning red hair behind her ear, "I noticed that you're never making high marks in the classes we share. Do you really never study?"

James shook his head, "Never... Well, unless we're fixing to take an important exam. Other than that, I try to absorb as much as I can. A lot of times, it seems, its never enough."

"Then... Would you perhaps like to start studying with me at the library?" The question was so quiet that James almost didn't hear, but he looked at her with wide eyes. Why was she being so nice? Why even offer to spend more time with him that she normally couldn't handle? He looked at the blush that was set upon her face and looked at her vivid green eyes.

"Sure," The words were out of his mouth before he could stop it. He had tried for so many years to get her attention, and now he finally had it. After saying it, he immediately regretted it. His interest was on Severus now. He couldn't betray them both, in his mind, and go after one another. Severus may not have shown much affection toward James, but dammit, he sure hoped there would be soon. He wouldn't have given into sex so willingly if he hadn't... Right?

She gave a mumbled with an excited grin "Great! We can meet at the library as soon as classes are over. I don't think I'll keep you too long... Good night!" She gave a small wave and went up the girls stairs.

James groaned softly and took off his glasses so he could rub his eyes. What had he done? Oh, his brain was not in the functioning mode to be dealing with all of this at once. He still had no idea where Sirius was and now this of all things? He eventually stood up and went to bed.

On the second day, James kept to his promise of studying in the library with Lily. Sometimes they didn't even study. At one point they talked about what they were planning for their futures and another when they discussed past and future quidditch matches. James definitely didn't mind talking about that, so he talked for at least an hour on the subject. Lily eventually left him with a smile and a small blush. He felt incredibly guilty when he realized how much he flirted with her during that time.

The third day was definitely the worst out of all of them.

Peter narrowed his eyes as he watched James dress. James noticed and glanced at him, "What are you staring at?" Peter didn't speak and James watched as his cheeks turned slightly red. He turned away quickly and grabbed his bag with his books. James shrugged to himself and yawned softly before leaving the room. He expected Sirius to be at the table with him and Remus, who had snuck off early to get some reading done, but today he seemed to have skipped with Peter for the second day in a row. Sirius had seemed to be avoiding him for the last three days and it was starting to annoy James.

"Have you been sleeping with someone, James?" The question was so blunt, but Remus said it as if he was talking about the weather. James stared at him with his jaw slack and he swallowed hard.

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"The scratches, James. We all saw them. Those definitely looked like a result of a rough romp. Who is it?" Remus had set his book aside after marking his place and looked at James casually. James was self conscious of the blush that was slowly creeping up his cheeks. He had completely forgotten about Severus scratching him.

When he didn't answer, Remus turned back to his plate and book, opening it once more, "Fine. Don't tell me, but I'm worried about Sirius and Peter. I'm not exactly sure if Peter fully knows what the scratches mean, but I know that it's bothering Sirius."

"I don't know why he would be," James said casually as he could while slowly eating his scrambled eggs. He knew exactly what had been bothering Sirius and he was afraid of the next time he would have to speak to him. From all the avoidance that Sirius was doing to him, he knew it was only a matter of time before he would burst at him. He felt slightly fearful that he wouldn't wait till they were alone to explode and say things in front of others.

"Well, he is, and it's becoming rather tense. Peter's sort of stuck in the middle of me trying to figure out what's happening and Sirius yelling at the both of us. It's frustrating to all of us..." James glanced at Remus when he trailed off and he saw him adopt a rather vacant look in his eyes. He was thinking rather hard. From what he said, it was making James uncomfortable and guilty for having kept a secret from his other two best friends. It made James almost want to say what it was that was seeming to cause a rift in their friendship, but his mind automatically went to Severus. How would Severus have felt about even Sirius knowing?

To his surprise, Sirius and Peter came through the door and sat across from Remus and James, but James noticed that Sirius was avoiding eye contact with him.

"Remus, did you finish that essay for Professor Slughorn? I'm sort of stumped on it," Sirius said to Remus. Remus rolled his eyes and held out a hand silently. Sirius grinned and handed him the parchment while Remus took out a quill and ink, beginning to make many corrections and eventually just finishing it all together for Sirius.

It was silent for the rest of breakfast until the bell rang above them. Everyone in the Great Hall was rising from their seats and walking to their next classes. Out of habit, James' eyes sought out Severus and he saw the boy clutching his Potions textbook in his arms, staring ahead of himself while mumbling to himself. James smiled to himself and continued on behind the rest of his friends.

James noticed that Sirius and Remus were whispering between each other and Peter was trying to walk closely behind so he could hear. James narrowed his eyes and tried to walk faster so he could hear what his friends were saying, but as soon as they noticed him, they both quieted. James huffed in anger and shoved past all three of them, heading to their Potions class.

He pulled out his cauldron and glared at the board in front of him. There were words there, but he wasn't reading any of it. Professor Slughorn was already speaking to them and he hadn't even realized that Remus was now standing beside him with Sirius on his other side. No one spoke to one another. They all silently gathered their ingredients and began to start on their assignment. James wasn't even sure what they were supposed to be doing. He finally read what they were supposed to be making. It was Amortentia and he grudgingly pulled out his textbook and began to read the text of instructions. Everything seemed so difficult to him in the book. No matter if he followed the text exactly or winged it, it always came out rancid no matter the potion.

"Oh, how wonderful, Lily! I can see that that's coming along quite nicely," Slughorn beamed to Lily. James glanced at Lily and saw that she was smiling in triumph to herself as she slowly stirred her cauldron. The liquid in her cauldron had already turned a slight shade of lavender, which James read to be far into the steps.

Several minutes past and Slughorn exclaimed, "As expected of you, Severus! Wonderful work, my boy!" James looked at Severus to see that his cauldron was a bright shade of pink and James could smell a mixture of trees and fresh rain. Slughorn had clasped an approving hand on Severus' shoulder and James saw how he flinched and gently shook the hand from his shoulder. He didn't beam like Lily had. Instead, he turned to his text book and wrote something along the margins. James realized that the whole page had been written on. When satisfied with what he had written, Severus closed the book and began to empty his cauldron.

James glanced at the time and sighed when Slughorn began to make the rest of the rounds around the classroom. He tutted at his green mess and mumbled something about expecting something better from the son of Fleamont, but James barely cared at the moment. He just wanted to leave for his break as quickly as possible.

He bolted from behind the desk when the bell rang for break and he didn't bother waiting for the people that he called friends. He started to wonder whether they were that at the moment. He went outside and breathed a sigh of relief at the sun that hit his face. It warmed his body as he ventured across the courtyard and beyond toward where the lake was. He sat beneath a tree beside it and closed his eyes in momentary bliss.

"We have to talk." James opened his eyes in surprise and sat up quickly, looking up at a rather angry Sirius. James groaned, having been awoke from the light sleep that had came upon him and didn't answer him. He was the last person that he wanted to see at that moment.

He gave a small glare to Sirius and laid back down against the tree, facing away from him, "Go away, Sirius. I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I saw, James." It was such a simple statement, but it made James' head jerk to look at him with wide eyes. Sirius was looking just as angry as he sat down in front of James and continued, "I had no idea your relationship with him extended that far. That's just even worse."

"You didn't tell, did you?" All that whispering that he had seen go on between his friends. James was now absolutely terrified.

Sirius shook his head and pulled out a galleon from his pocket, flipping it between his fingers to distract himself from looking at James, "No. Remus almost got it out of me, but I didn't let on that I knew who it was. It was rather arrogant of you to have let him leave those marks on your arms.

"But, no. I didn't tell him anything. Peter, the little twit, couldn't stop craning his neck to hear us, but I didn't want to say anything in front of him even if I was to tell Remus. Remus bugged me for a good while, but I finally told him that I really had absolutely no idea who it was that you were seeing and I suppose that convinced him at least a little. James, you never told me that you had been doing that with him. When did that even start?"

Well since he knew now, James answered honestly, "It happened toward the end of last school year. It kind of... Just happened. I don't suppose it was planned to happen or anything, but it started a chain reaction. We've only done it once since then, but... I wan't more, Sirius."

Sirius abandoned his galleon and groaned softly, holding his face in his hands, "You're killing me James... You're getting into this way too deep."

"I'm getting really tired of you saying shit like that. My life is not yours," James growled in anger and annoyance. He wasn't quite in the mood to hear Sirius' take on their "doomed" relationship and how bad of a person Severus was. James knew better. He knew that deep down, Severus was only following the dark arts because he was so misunderstood. James liked to think that little by little, he was beginning to figure Severus out.

"Well, get the fuck over it, because you're going to hear me say it as long as you see him. Severus is a bad egg, James."

"I'm sure your mother would say the same about you," James quipped.

It happened so fast that James didn't have enough time to dodge the fist that struck out at his face. He felt Sirius' fist connect with his jaw and his head whipped back to the side sharply. James took only a moment to recover before yelling and grabbing Sirius' robes, trying to punch back while Sirius did the same. They rolled on the grass as they both tried to top the other for a leverage in the fight. Blood was pouring out of James' lip and Sirius' nose was bleeding. James barely heard a chant ringing out from students who had noticed the quarrel and gathered around them loosely to cheer the other on. They were all animals.

A flash of light shot out from a nearby wand and they were both forced apart. Minerva McGonagall was briskly walking toward the lake with an angry expression on her face. "Move!" She barked at the students surrounding Sirius and James and both of the boys looked at her with a mixture of shock and fear. She stopped in front of the boys and simply said, "Up." They both stood and silently followed her when she turned away and began walking toward the school, "Sirius and James... Why I never thought... Detention for three weeks for the both of you. Madame Pomfrey will look at that broken nose of yours, Sirius and you too James just in case of any internal injuries."

She stopped beside the Hospital Wing's door and gave them stern looks as they went inside. Minerva made sure that Madame Pomfrey had noticed them and then headed back to her classroom where a class was just barely piling in.

James sat on one of the beds and hissed in pain when Madame Pomfrey pressed on some of his ribs, tutting to herself, "My, you boys must have really been at it. Sirius, do you think anything besides your nose is broke?"

"No, Ma'am," Sirius replied quietly, holding a cloth against the bottom of his nose.

Madame Pomfrey finally stopped prodding and poking James and moved onto Sirius, making sure that both of the boys hadn't been terribly injured. She disappeared into her office for a moment and both Sirius and James stared at each other. Both boys were filled with shame and regret for having attacked each other so viciously. They were supposed to be friends and yet they had both resulted in violence toward each other. They both couldn't ever remember a time when they had been as angry at each other as they had been at that moment.

Sirius sniffled at the cloth and mumbled, "I'm sorry, James... I just..."

Jame shook his head and groaned at the movement, having developed a headache, "No... I shouldn't have said what I said. But, at the same time, Sirius, I'm completely serious-" They both grinned at each other before James continued, "I'm going to continue to pursue Severus. I'm too far into this already..."

Sirius groaned and they both looked up when Madame Pomfrey came back with two glasses of a green liquid. James took his glass and gave it a small sniff, gagging reflexively. He looked at Madame Pomfrey as if she was crazy and Sirius joined in after giving a similar sniff to his glass.

"Don't you dare give me those looks! That should take care of all the injuries you have and possibly have. Frankly, you two deserve it since it was your own selves for getting like this." She stood there and watched the two boys drink all of the glasses. Sirius gagged and looked positively pale, looking as if he would vomit at any moment. Madame Pomfrey took the glasses and rushed them out of the hospital wing.

"I think that made me feel worse..." Sirius mumbled as he held his mouth in fear of throwing up the concoction. James nodded his head reluctantly and followed Sirius to the common room, being the only ones there. They both laid in their bed and held their stomachs till the nausea subsided.

Later that night he did his nightly ritual of going to the spot where Severus and he met. He sat next to Severus who was writing in his book once more and strangely didn't seem to mind James' presence. His wand was lit in his hand as he skimmed through his word before looking up at James.

"I heard you fought Sirius."

"Yeah... I did."

Severus paused and raised his wand to James' face, peering at him. He huffed and licked his thumb, brushing away a trail of blood that had dried just below his nose, "Did you even bother to wash up?" James smiled to himself at the closeness of Severus to him. He didn't object when Severus pinched his nose and made sure there truly was no blood. He wiped his thumb off on his robe and looked back down at his book. The pages were so full of black ink that James couldn't have read it from how scrunched up the words were.

James laid down on the grass and laid his head in Severus' lap. Severus froze and glared down at James. He growled and picked up his book, pushing it on James' face to balance and began writing once again, "Fine then. Be my table."

"I'll be anything you want."

* * *

 **Ok, so I wanted to get something out of the way while I'm thinking about it: I know that there are several holes in my story. Unfortunately, I don't have the time right now to go back and update every single one that has "missing" parts. I'm trying to get the main story out of the way before I add or delete more of the story.**

 **Now that that's out of the way, I hope you guys enjoyed and I will see you next update!**


	10. Chapter 10- The Stag and Doe

**Chapter Ten**

 **The Stag and Doe**

* * *

Severus was in a foul mood for days on end. Everyone around him made special care not to sit or walk too close to him. People whispered on what it could be. Perhaps he lost his book he always wrote in? No, he was still clutching it in every class. Maybe he screwed up in potions. No, Professor Slughorn could assure you every day that his prodigy student was still top at his game. Was the Slytherin Slag not getting any? Well... That could be part of the reason, but not completely. What was it?

 _Bloody fucking Potter, that's who_ , he thought angrily to himself. He couldn't exactly explain the reasoning behind he annoyance and anger, but oh, was he ever angry. Every night he sat in his spot under the moon and unconsciously he would wait for James. He would write into his text book in desperate distraction, but it never failed for him to pause, look around, and listen for any sound of James. Sometimes he would mistake the sound of the creatures in the forest as James, but he wasn't too worried since he had long ago put a protection charm over the area that he occupied at night. Disappointment would always ensue each night when he looked around for him.

He tried to reason with himself every night as he angrily wrote into his text book and did his homework. Why should he care if James stopped coming? He relished in being alone! On normal occasions, perhaps. Most definitely when he had never met James, he always embraced being alone to his thoughts. Lately, he had noticed just how used he had been to James always showing up and sitting with him. He missed on those late nights how James would sometimes bring him food that he had stolen from the dinner that night, knowing that Severus had not ate, to share.

He missed the obnoxious talking of his. He missed his warmth on the ever growing chilly nights. It seemed like the nights were growing more and more cold as the fall and winter season grew coser. When James saw on nights that he was shivering, he had let James to wrap his invisibility cloak around the both of them and disappear near the tree. James would joke about how weird it would be if someone found them while being half invisible and Severus would always roll his eyes.

He missed his body. He was becoming restless like he had during the summer. He had someone that was so close by yet would never come and take care of his needs. Sometimes, he would masturbate under the tree, but he would never become quite as satisfied as he would be if only James would help him release. He wondered if James was just as frustrated. He always expressed to Severus wholeheartedly when he was horny.

Then, one day his heart seemed to freeze in his chest. He was going into the library to check out another book he needed for one of his classes and walked around the shelves in search of it. He froze when he heard a familiar laugh and he quickly lurked around one of the shelves and spotted James sitting at a table. He was not alone, though. Lily Evans was leaned close to James and was whispering something with a grin. James suddenly laugh again and give a stage whisper, "You're kidding!"

"No, I'm dead serious. She swears that her dad did that for his last year here and it's now like a whispered legend."

"Merlin, that sounds like it was an amazing prank. And everyone's hair turned pink? Did it ever wash out?"

Lily rolled her eyes but continued to smile at him, "Of course it washed out, twit. You would see even the teachers here have it if he had. Merlin only knows how many of these teachers were still teaching when everyone's parents were here. Can you imagine how old some of these people are? Even Dumbledore is getting a bit into his years." Their conversation seemed to trail off as she brought the book in front of them closer and sternly told James that they needed to continue studying.

It was how close and comfortable with each other that made Severus' heart wrench. When had they ever been that close? Lily hated James for Merlin's sake! Why would she suddenly sneak up and be so nice after such a long time of telling James how much she hated him. Was James enjoying the attention too? Of course he was, idiot! Didn't you see his fucking face light up?

He ducked behind the shelf once more and gripped the book he had in his hand. He felt more hurt than angry. The only thing he was mad about was having let James slither deep into his heart like he was. He didn't want him getting any closer, now afraid of what the inevitable was. Was James just spending all his free time with Lily again, because he didn't care to bother with him anymore? He suddenly felt sick to his stomach at the thought. He quickly caught himself and rubbed his face roughly.

 _No_ , he told himself firmly. _This is not me and I need to stop acting like this. I do not care about him. Who cares if he doesn't spend time with me? Not me! Who cares if he seems close with Lily? Most definitely not me! Then get your ass in check and stop being a pansy!_

He took in a deep breath and quickly went to the librarian, checking out the book. He left as quickly as he could and went to the dungeons where the Slytherin common room was. He didn't speak to anyone as he went to his room and pulled the curtains completely shut around his bed. Everyone took that as a hint and was slightly afraid of accidentally disturbing him.

Throughout the following days, he kept to himself even more than before. He refused to acknowledge anyone in the common room or classrooms and only answered when asked from a teacher. To put it bluntly: he was pouting. Oh, he would never admit that he was, but his actions made it perfectly clear that he was. He made sure to avoid all the routes that he saw James go and didn't give him a bit of acknowledgement in class even though he could see James was desperately trying to get his attention as the days passed.

He concentrated more on his studies and wrote even more into his text book when he found out new ways to perfect potions. He even began to invent spells once more. He wanted to once again forget about James, but at night when he was under the tree that lay under the moon, he couldn't help but miss his presence.

He was also beginning to become more reckless in his actions. No may have talked to him, but he listened closely when he was in his room or in the common rooms to what others were saying. The Dark Lord was rising faster and there were more deaths being reported in the Daily Prophet. The Slytherins whose parents were Death Eaters or were going to become future Death Eaters were growing restless from the news.

"Are they really already recruiting here?" A small blond headed girl asked the group, looking a little terrified. Severus sat up a little straighter in his seat at the news and paid a little more attention to the students who were gathered in a circle in the common room.

A boy with terrible pimples and crooked teeth and nodded, looking proud as he said, "Dad's already volunteered my name. I'm going to be the first to get my mark." Some of the students looked impressed and then there were others that looked at him with horror. Perhaps they were still not used to the idea of going through a career of killing people deliberately for a living. Severus was intrigued by the news of someone giving out the Dark Marks.

"You mean they're sending someone to give them here?"

The pimpled face boy groaned and shook his head with a small eye roll, "How dense can you be? There are too many teachers roaming everywhere, let alone Dumbledore being under the same roof. Besides, I heard they have protextion spells around the castle so people can't apparate into it. No, they're going to get the names of everyone willing to become one and then during the summer they will decide who will be most useful and come to your house during the summer to give you the Dark Mark.

They decided that having people sign a list in Hogsmeade would be a good idea since it will be easier for all the students to be there at once. I heard they're going to have someone assigned to a post inside the Hog's Head and only a few at a time can sign since they don't want too much attention directed to it. I don't have to do it because of my father, so you guys have fun going." He continued to look a little smug as the people in the circle began to whisper to one another in a circle.

Severus stared into the flames in front of him in deep thought. He was slightly surprised that Lucius hadn't sent him an owl to tell him about the supposed recruitment. He suspected that the boy had merely been bluffing, but he was still curious enough to have made plans in his mind to go and specifically go into the Hog's Head.

Later that night, Severus bit his lip hard as he concentrated on his thoughts. He was trying something new so he could distract himself from his normal annoying thoughts. What better way than trying to produce a Patronus? There had been a lesson in Defense Against the Dark Arts on it that day and he really wanted to produce one badly. He watched as only three students in the whole class produced one. Sirius managed to produce a large dog. Remus produced his, which had been a wolf and he looked upon it with dread and disappointment. He saw that James had never tried and instead decided to lean against the wall and watch everyone else struggle. He saw that he even glanced at him once in a while and Severus immediately felt frustration when he couldn't produce one the whole lesson.

He never imagined that the task would be so tedious and difficult. He was normally rather talented in every task he was given, especially in potions and spell work. He had already mastered saying spells in his head silently and actually casting them. Hell, he had even invented a few spells on his own! He found it amusing often to watch everyone else struggle in things that he found so natural. You could say that he felt rather smug about it. But, this was literally kicking his ass.

He was trying hard to remember a happy memory. Did he really have none? Why was it this difficult to remember something as trivial as a happy memory? He concentrated on the tip of his wand and spoke firmly, "Expecto Patronum!" A small little spit of silver escaped the tip and he growled in frustration, flinging the wand beside him. He was done for that night. He didn't want to risk growing a headache from the increasing concentration and frustration.

"Now, that's not exactly something to get upset about." Severus looked up to see James shedding his cloak and he smiled down at him. He glared up at James while he crossed his arms over his chest, not having wanted to see James that night or any future night for that matter. Why did James decide that night to come to him? He hadn't for nearly three weeks. James sat beside him and picked up his wand to hand back to him, "It's a complicated spell. You're really smart, but sometimes not everything will come naturally for you."

Severus looked ahead of him in silence and stubbornness as he attempted to ignore James. That was rather difficult since James was sitting so close to him. James poked his side and whined teasingly, "Come on, Severus! Try it again!" James waited for Severus to answer and he huffed, leaning against the other's shoulder, "Fine then. Never know what your 'spirit animal' is."

Severus shoved him off and glared at him, "You suddenly want to come here after weeks of avoiding me and bug the shit out of me, Potter? What are you trying to get at?" He didn't dare to mention his other insecurity about him and Lily Evans. Let him believe that he had just been lonely.

James blinked at him as he steadied himself, suddenly grinning, "That's what you're upset about?" He suddenly began to laugh and Severus felt himself become more angry before James continued, "Merlin, I thought I told you, Severus; I swear I did! Mcgonagall gave me detention for three weeks and it's been running late into the night to where I'm too tired to come here and check on you. Sorry about that, Sev..."

Severus wasn't satisfied with the answer and looked away once more. He felt James' hand cover his and he looked up quickly to see James smiling sweetly at him. He kissed his cheek and leaned his head on his shoulder, "So... Have you only just today started practicing?"

"I've been practicing for hours and nothing happens. It's so frustrating." Severus turned away from him and up at the nearly full moon in embarrassment of the situation, "Shouldn't you be with your friends right about now?" His voice sounded bitter to both of their ears. What was he to be bitter about besides Lily? Perhaps, he had just missed James' presence for the last three weeks. He didn't want to think too hard on it.

James gave a small shrug and reached into his pocket, pulling out a piece of a roll he had snuck out of dinner that night. He tore it in half and offered Severus the other half, "It's not full yet. He's suffering, but it's still not time." Severus hesitated before taking the piece of bread offered and slowly ate it while James ate his piece in one big bite. Severus was still grumpy, but he was beginning to relax once more with James being beside him. "Why are hou... Twying to..." He finally swallowed his piece when Severus gave him a glare, "Wh-why did you want to produce a Patronus anyway?"

"I wanted to know what my animal would be," Severus said while finishing his piece. He pointed his wand at the air once more and tried to say the spell while concentrating really hard on a memory he thought to be happy. A small fuzz of a figure burst out, but it wasn't defined enough. He growled and clenched his wand in his hand, "This is so stupid!"

James didn't answer as he drew his own wand out and closed his eyes. He pointed and waved it at the air and spoke clearly and loudly the Patronus spell. A silver whisp shot out from the tip and it formed, at first the head and then all the way to the tips of the hooves, a stag. It trotted in midair a moment before landing softly on the grass and looking at the two boys. It was maybe only a few feet away from them. Severus' mouth was hanging open as he took in the appearance of the stag. It was so bright and beautiful. Its antlers were wide and defined. Severus could make out the small tail and even the whispy hair that would have been course to the touch if it had been a real stag. The stag suddenly looked at the castle and bounded toward the edge of the cliff, jumping off and fading in mid air.

Severus had forgotten how dark it had been before the stag had appeared. He looked at James in shock and wonder, and was surprised when he saw that James had been staring at him the whole time. There was a small smile on James' lips as he leaned against the tree. He looked proud of himself.

"Sirius and I get bored quite often. His is a dog, as you saw. It's rather silly compared to a stag, and I made sure to give him a hard time about it." James snorted to himself at the memory.

Severus suddenly grabbed James' arm desperately, "Teach me." Severus looked up at him with a desperate look in his eyes. He was so amazed that James had performed the spell so flawlessly and he wanted so badly to do it also.

James blinked in surprise down at him and blushed at Severus' hand on his arm, "Well... From what I could tell, you were doing everything right... You just probably didn't think of a strong and happy memory. Do you have another one that you could think of?"

Severus looked away at the stars while not realizing that he still had his hand upon James' arm. Was his memory truly not happy enough? He thought the memory of receiving his Hogwarts letter had been enough of happiness. He had been so relieved to leave his house and pursue his wizarding career with Lily. Was there something he was forgetting? A memory that trumped all of his other ones?

He closed his eyes and tried to weed through his own memories. Perhaps it had been when he had met Lily and felt that he would no longer be alone while living with his parents? He opened his eyes once more and held his wand firmly. He spoke the words clearly and waved his wand. A silver strand escaped and it gave off another hazy figure, but this one was a little easier to see. You could make out that it was tall and had four slender legs. Was it a horse, he wondered.

He sighed at the failed attempt and rubbed his tired eyes, "That was pointless."

James shook his head and gently tugged Severus' chin to the side so that he was looking up at him, "It's not pointless. It's something that's important to you and dammit, we're going to see what that damn animal was." His voice was hard and determined and Severus looked at him with wide eyes. His fingers were so warm against his chin. A blush was slowly forming in Severus' cheeks when he realized how close James had leaned in to talk to him.

James smiled warmly and leaned closer till their lips connected. Severus expected the kiss to be rough and harsh like it was during sex, but James' lips were making soft and gentle movements against his. Severus' eyes closed and he slowly leaned into the kiss a little more, joining in a rhythm with James. His arms wrapped around James's neck and he slipped his fingers through his soft and wild brown hair. He hadn't realized just how much he had missed his soft lips.

Severus eventually had to pull back with a gasp, having forgotten to breath in the middle of it. James gave a soft chuckle and kissed Severus' cheek before whispering, "I think... I really like you, Severus... I mean, its the closest thing I've ever felt to love, so yeah... Maybe I love you..." Severus froze slightly and looked at James with shock as he panted. Before, James and he had always told each other how they hated one another, but James was finally telling Severus how he felt. And Severus suddenly felt a fluttering in his heart and tears coming to his eyes. He opened his mouth a small squeak came out instead of words and he clasped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment.

James laughed softly and brushed Severus' bangs away from his cheeks, tucking them behind his ears before kissing his forehead and stood, "I need to go a little early today... I know its the weekend tomorrow, but detention kicked my butt. McGonagall assigned us to do really stupid chores around the castle to do by hand. I must have polished those stupid trophies a million times." He gave a small wave before picking up his cloak and disappearing under it. He peeked out under it suddenly and blew a small kiss with a grin before disappearing again.

Severus heard him leave, and several minutes later his heart had not stopped racing. He didn't look away from the spot that James had left. His hand clutched his wand and he stood up suddenly. He yelled, "Expecto Patronum," And a burst of bright silver flashed from the end of his wand. Out of it emerged a doe that trotted in the air and then bounded around the trees before fading. His eyes were wide and he ran to the edge of the cliff, wanting to see James, but then he realized that he wouldn't be able to see him.

He wanted to tell James that he didn't hate him. He liked him too. He liked him a lot. Oh, but there was still that part of him that was screaming how much of an idiot he was, but he didn't care. He was drunk on happiness.

He could hardly sleep that night. He wanted to tell James so badly about his Patronus. He thought it had been so beautiful and graceful when it flew from his wand. He felt his stomach flip flop when he realized that their Patronus' had matched like they had meant to collide with one another. He was slightly scared at the thought, but also happy. What if they were truly meant to be together? If they started dating, what would everyone think? Would everyone hate him more? What would James' friends think? _Why the fuck am I even thinking about that,_ he scolded himself with a blush. This did not mean they would date. For all he knew, their relationship would stay the same.

He wanted to perform it again, but he tried to reason with himself that it would be rather foolish to suddenly perform it in the halls or in the bedroom where it could shock everyone. He didn't want to be that flashy. No, the only opinion he cared about was James'.

* * *

 **Hello, lovelies! I'm very sorry that its been a week or two since updating, but I've had terrible news hit me one after the other and I also had graduation... I've been a little emotionally unstable lately and it's been affecting me a bit... But never fear! I have not abandoned this story and I will see it out till the end!**

 **Stay fresh and hip!**


	11. Chapter 11- Snogging

**Chapter Eleven**

 **Snogging**

* * *

James lied on his back and stared at the beautiful and streaking yellow, orange, and purple sky. Twilight was beginning to overlap the castle and everyone was going from the lake to the castle. James was laying under Severus and his tree, his hands spread out around him and his legs in the same fashion. Severus was curled up under the tree beside him, sound asleep and having no idea that James was even near him. A parchment and ink bottle was near him on the ground, Severus having apparently deciding to do his homework before dozing. His messy, stringy and black hair was hiding his face and he was giving off soft snores.

James moved his head to the side so he could look at Severus and he huffed in annoyance. He had come all this way to surprise him, only to find him already there and asleep. He knew that normally Severus would save his homework for the Slytherin common room and he wondered why he decided to suddenly do it out in the chilly day.

James sat up when he saw him shiver and he shrugged off his coat and draped it over his shoulders. He tucked it under Severus' body so he was completely covered and he heard Severus grunt before turning onto his other side, ruining the efforts of James to keep him warm. James sighed in annoyance and tried to fix the coat, giving up when the coat had been trapped under his body and was unmovable. He sat next to him beside the tree and picked up his text book that he had always written in.

"Advanced Potions Making," He read aloud as he examined the cover. It was definitely more worn than his own copy. But, he wasn't like Severus and didn't carry it out of his bag constantly. He pried it open and wasn't surprised to find that every page had been written in. On the occasions that he saw Severus take it out, he wrote in it at some point every single time. Some pages were more full than others and he noticed that Severus had even crossed out a few sentences as if he was correcting the authors mistakes that no normal person his age should know.

He knew Severus was smart, but by reading and looking at the writing, he realized that Severus was perhaps was some sort of a scary genius. Scary, because he was reading some of the spells he had written on the side of the pages. A lot of them sounded rather ominous. 'Use on your enemies,' said one. What the hell would that spell do if used? It sounded completely forbidding and dangerous, but James still made a mental note of it so he could try it out later. He could think of many people he would call his enemies.

Before the sun had completely set, Severus finally stirred awake, rubbing his eyes sleepily. James quickly shut the book and put it back beside Severus where it had been. He gave an awkward smile to Severus who yawned, "What are you doing here?" His voice sounded a little deeper from having just woken up and James shivered slightly. Why did he find it so sexy?

"Thought I would pay you an early visit. A better question is why you're here at such an early time, Severus."

Severus gave another yawn and stretched his arms over his head, "I felt like doing my homework here today. Is that a crime?" He was still so snarky even though James had felt like their relationship had advanced farther in the last few weeks.

Severus would let him sometimes hold his hand or lay beside him to look at the stars while talking endlessly, even if Severus didn't return some of the questions or comments. He was content just knowing that Severus felt the same about him.

Only a day after confessing to him, Severus had confronted him at the tree with a smile. James could see the excitement in his eyes as he relayed that he felt the same way toward James. He had been talking rather fast as if he would burst if he didn't say what he wanted. James felt so happy when Severus told him that, he had hugged Severus so tightly under the tree. He could tell it made him flustered, but he hardly cared.

He asked him if he had produced his Patronus yet and he looked away with a red face, telling him that he had not. James attributed the blush to him not having made it yet. He didn't push it, and instead spent the rest of the night holding him close.

He had thought that maybe since they had expressed their feelings fully to each other then they could start dating, but that turned out to be rather difficult. Gay couples in the wizarding world was a taboo subject and you never found a single one to speak about. Being a gay couple in a school full of hormonal and immature teenagers was most definitely a bad idea, and as sad as it was, could affect their future jobs if word spread that far between the students and their parents. They decided to continue to meet in secret, but keep pretending to hate each other during school. It sort of bothered James how easy it was for Severus to act exactly like that. He had to remind himself often that Severus did not really mean the things he said or that he didn't really hate him... Or did he?

Severus was serious when he told James to tell none of his friends- especially Peter. Severus said that something about Pettigrew gave off that he would fold quickly when confronted. Which, James agreed with. Peter was exactly that kind of person. James struggled with himself daily to not tell Sirius, though. He knew that Severus wouldn't be very happy if he found out he told Sirius and Sirius would also be rather pissed to find out about their relationship. It was a lose-lose situation, so he left it alone when he saw Sirius.

Merlin, what would they do for dates? There was only Hogsmeade, but literally every student that was allowed would go. They would never be alone. He knew the secret passages and such to the Shrieking Shack, but that wasn't what he called romantic. It was rather dusty, dirty, and torn apart from Remus shifting there. The only place that they could be alone was their tree, and he always found Severus there long before he ever went there. He couldn't sneak supplies and such for a surprise date because of Severus'eagerness to be there. It was kind of cute, but also annoying to James.

"I was wondering if you could tutor me, Severus." James had looked at the essay Severus had done and realized just how long and elegant it looked. He knew it must have been brilliant with whatever it said. James looked at Severus with the sweetest smile he could muster and Severus looked at him with an eyebrow raised and a frown.

"I know what you're trying to do and the answer is no. Do your own work. Study for once in your life!"

"But I do! Advanced Potions is just so hard, Severus."

Severus snorted and gave him a look of exasperation, "Perhaps to you, but I've never had a problem with it before. If you just _read_ then you would make better grades."

James bit his tongue when he almost said that Severus had crossed out many of the instructions to add his own in their class text book. It was rather unfair that he told him to read the instructions and yet he didn't even follow them. But, he would not dare tell Severus that he looked into his text book. He could tell that Severus kept it with the highest of secrecy.

"Besides, Remus makes decent grades in there. Why don't you ask him since he is one of your best mate?" Severus' voice was a little bitter, but James ignored it.

"That's just it! He's decent, but I want to be taught by someone that makes fantastic marks! Severus, you're a genius... Why cant you teach me at least something? Just one thing? Just help me out with studying on my N.E.W.T.S, please..." James watched as Severus blushed and looked away. He never answered him and James sighed in defeat. He would just have to stick to the few times he met Lily in the library.

"Did I tell you I received a letter from Lucius today?" Severus' tone was casual as he picked up his discarded homework and rolled it up to put away in his bag. James could tell that he was trying to change the subject and it worked wonderfully.

James narrowed his eyes and tensed slightly, "No... No you didn't." He hated talking about Lucius. He hated him before, but now he absolutely despised him. He was the ex lover of his maybe or maybe-not boyfriend. They still hadn't actually talked about if they were to that stage or not, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear about the blond twit.

"He said my parents are gone."

"What?" James felt slightly surprised at the news. He looked at Severus closely to see if he was upset about it, but he merely looked at him calmly, "Oh, um... Are you upset about it?"

"Not particularly. He said that the whole house has been emptied and they were no where to be found. There was blood on the floor and walls in one area, but he said he'd have it cleaned. It might have been robbers if I wanted to look at it in a muggle way. Perhaps Lily's family has had trouble in their neighborhood, also..." He said the last part as an after thought and then gave a final shrug.

"Wait, why are you not upset about that? if my parents were suddenly just... gone without a note and there was blood everywhere... You don't think they were murdered, do you?"

James watched a dark look pass over Severus' face and he said bitterly, "If they did, I hope they suffered."The look passed and he calmly pulled his book into his lap and he began reading over the words he wrote.

"Woah! What the fuck, Severus?" James sat up quickly and looked at him with slight horror, "You don't really mean that, do you?"

"Would I have said it if I didn't mean it?" Severus' voice had a hint of annoyance in it and he looked up to give James a hard look. James had the feeling that he really wanted to say far more choice words, but was holding himself back. It made him hesitate to speak.

"What... Why exactly are you pleased at the thought of your parents dying? I mean, what did they do to you?" There had to be a reason. From what he had noticed about Severus, he didn't just hate someone for no reason. He hated many people, but James could only wonder what the story was behind the hatred behind each person.

James watched Severus hesitate and look up from his text book. He expected for Severus to ignore him or deny him with a sarcastic comment of it being none of his business, but he surprised James. Severus shut the book with a sigh before saying in a calm, yet edged voice, "Do you know what it's like to live in a slum of a house with no money, a mother who neglected you, and a father that drank everyday and hit you every night?" He held up a finger when James opened his mouth to say something back in shock, "Don't interrupt. I lived in a house where neither my mother or me could say anything to my father without being harshly punished.

"My mother was no better. She didn't ever try to help me, so I never tried to help her. Meals were dictated quietly by my father. The money we received from my father's muggle job was spent on his alcohol addiction. Mum could never get her own job since Dad didn't believe in women working. He also didn't believe in magic being used around him. So, we lived the best we could. I'm not sorry at the aspect of them leaving or having been murdered because I literally have no attachments to them, Potter. Do you understand now?"

James had watched Severus speak the whole time, but he still couldn't believe how calm he had been while relaying something that he had never once told James. He wondered if he had possibly ever told anyone else. He felt a little grateful that Severus had trusted him enough to tell him, but he was also saddened that Severus had been put through that. It sort of made sense why Severus was so bitter and un-trusting toward people. It took James over a year of hard work for Severus to have gotten to the point of telling him such a terrible memory.

James reached forward and suddenly embraced Severus. Severus flinched and froze before growling, "What are you doing?" James noticed that if he wasn't warned about the affections he was receiving then it made him bristle terribly.

"I'm hugging you. I thought you were smart enough to know that," James tried to joke. He wanted to change the subject.

Severus pushed him off and used his shoe to press against James' chest as a way to firmly keep him away, "Don't test me. I'm not particularly in the mood for your random and arrogant embraces." James silently agreed as he looked at Severus' hard and dark face. He decided to risk it anyway.

He pushed Severus' shoe to the side and pushed his book to the ground beside them. He sat closer beside him and wrapped both of his arms around him. He eventually felt Severus relax into his embrace and they both watched as the sun slowly set. The night brought on an even greater chill and James felt Severus lean farther into his embrace.

"Who was the muggle in your family?" James asked it quietly, but he felt Severus flinch at the suddenness of the question. James was insanely afraid after asking the question. It had escaped from his mouth before he could stop it and he immediately expected Severus to snap and yell at him. Maybe even hex him... He knew enough spells to (hopefully) hex James with a less serious one.

"What did you say?" It wasn't asked harshly. He sounded to James as if he truly hadn't heard and was curious to what he asked. That made him relax noticeably.

"Who... Who was the muggle in your family? You said that your dad had a muggle job, but that he didn't allow magic... Were you muggle born or just half?."

"My father was a muggle and my mother was a witch. Merlin only knows how they ever got together. I would have liked to think that Dad was a better drunk before I came along. I feel like I was the end to a happiness they shared."

James winced at the words, "I'm sure it wasn't you, Severus."

Severus turned around in James' embrace so he could look at him, "You met my mother. Do you feel like she was happy about me being born?" James said nothing back, only tightening his grip on Severus.

November came rather quickly and James was confident for his match against Slytherin. As normal, people of Gryffindor wished him luck for the match that would take place that Saturday. Slytherins sneered at him and warned him to watch out or he would regret it. He definitely didn't get the attention as hard as the Seeker and team captain, but he was popular enough that people either looked at him as if the team would lose or win by his actions. Being a chaser was an important position, no doubt, but it still wasn't as important as the seeker.

He asked Severus if he would be in the stands cheering for him, but Severus shrugged and told him that he never really cared for the sport, but he would be cheering for his own team. "How ridiculous would it look if I sat there and cheered for the enemy team?" He said quickly when he saw the crestfallen look on James' face. He had a point, but James would never admit it.

Sirius and Remus surrounded him at breakfast and Sirius nudged his shoulder, "You'll do great, mate. You've never lost a game yet."

Remus nodded in agreement and gave an encouraging smile, "Oh, there shouldn't be anything to worry about today. The sun is out, its still chilly, but at least the sun is a welcomed warmth. I heard that the Seeker had the flu and couldn't see two feet in front of his face. If that's the case, then there could be no way possible to lose."

Peter sat beside the two, smiling like an idiot and nodding his head in agreement, "Yeah, James! The games as good as won."

James smiled at all three of his friends, feeling even more confident than when he entered the room. This is exactly why he needed his friends in his life. They were always there to encourage, support, and be there for him at his highest and lowest moments. He truly treasured every single one of them.

The game came quickly that evening and James felt the familiar twist and turn in his stomach from the nervousness of a big game. He glanced out of the dressing room at the crowd. The whole stands were filled and there was yells and cheers from every direction. He looked behind him when the captain called for their attention. It was the normal pep talk of do good, remember the strategies of practice, and do not let the Slytherins win.

The game went by fast and yet slow at the same time. The announcer was loud in James' ears and he tried at the beginning to find Severus in the crowd, but gave up when he needed to pay attention to the game. The score was rather close and that bothered him until the crowd screamed in delight and disappointment when the Gryffindor Seeker grabbed the famous golden snitch. That was the end of the game.

Before he knew it, they were in the Gryffindor common room celebrating the wonderful and not surprising victory. Alcohol was passed around the few that dared to wake the next day with a hang over and that included Sirius and James. Remus had saw the booze and immediately excused himself to his chambers, being one of the only ones to retire early. James took a lot to get tipsy, and boy, he was absolutely wasted. Sirius was a little better off than him, but by not much.

"That... That was absolutely, fucking amazing, James! Such a nice... Nice save," Peter slurred to his two friends. Peter had barely had a few glasses of Fire Whiskey, yet he was absolutely drunk.

James laughed and tilted his head back to finish off, what he told himself, was his final glass, "I didn't do anything impressive, you little kiss ass!" All three laughed.

"Now, come on, James... There were a few times that you did an amazing job of... Chasing! Yes, Chasing, that's what it was," Sirius mumbled as an after thought before finishing off his glass and then pouring himself another.

Before James could reply, there was a gentle tap on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Lily Evens standing there with a small smile, beaming down at him, "Congratulations on the win." She watched him stand and James was impressed with himself for not stumbling. In her eyes, he was perfectly fine. Sure, he had taken quite a few drinks, but she had watched him act so casual. That's exactly what he was at that moment with his hands in his pockets. Casual.

"Thanks Lily, I didn't do most of the work though... It was a great team effort."

This made her smile more and she giggled, "James, I never knew you to be so modest. You used to take all the credit and say that everything was thanks to you."

He chuckled a little awkwardly and scratched at the nape of his wild and brown hair, "Well, I suppose I've changed..."

"Matured would be the better word," She said with a rather impressed look on her face. She gave a small nibble to her bottom lip and in the low light, he saw her blush. She spoke softly this time, pointing at the portrait entrance, "James... I sort of wanted to talk to you."

James, with the influence of alcohol and ignorance smile and nodded, seeing no danger in the action. He followed her out of the portrait hole and smiled sort of dumbly. Oh, yes. His mind was absolutely blank. All he could think was, _W_ _ow... It's rather dark out here. What if someone got lost? Dear Merlin, that would be a nightmare. What if there was-_

His mind snapped alert when he was pushed against the wall near the portrait rather roughly. Well, Evans sure did have some strength to her? He saw in her eyes a hazy look as if she had also been drinking and didn't move when she pulled him by his collar down to her height and her lips found his. His mind had been alert, but at the feeling of warm lips against his, which had been such a natural sensation to him through the last few weeks, he kissed back with his mind going blank once again. He didn't stop there. No, he was following her movements and pulling her closer to his body, feeling a sort of familiarity in her warmth. Such a small body... Much smaller than Severus. He didn't mind the difference. Severus had once felt this small to him and-

Severus! What the fuck was he thinking! He pulled back as fast as he could and looked down at her with wide eyes. Her light pink lipstick was smeared along her lips and he could only imagine how his was. Her eyes were closed until he had pulled back. She opened her mouth to speak, but the portrait hole had opened at that moment and out stumbled Sirius. He was rather green in the face and it was obvious that he was trying rather hard to not empty his stomach then.

He turned to them and swallowed something in his mouth, slurring as he said, "Who... Oh, its you guys... Snogging a bit?"

Lilys face reddened considerably and she went past Sirius and back into the portrait hole where someone laughed and screamed. It was dark once again and it took a moment for James to see Sirius more clearly.

Sirius stared at James and he stared right back at him, "Did you break up with Severus, then?"

James bent over and his stomach emptied and splashed onto the floor. Sirius gagged and turned away, but still did the same as James.

* * *

 **Ok, so I got my wand in a week early and you would not believe how hard I fangirled... I bought Severus' wand and I annoyed my whole family with facts about him, spells that I would love to use, and that I was totally going to cosplay as a female Severus now, because dammit, I never knew the feels I would get from holding his wand. Plus, I have the nose, pale skin, and lanky figure as him... The wand's actually pretty accurate too from what I can tell.**

 **Ok, back to an important story update: I have changed one of the genres to** _tragedy_ **instead of** _drama_ **, because the more I thought about how I would end this story, it would basically be incredibly tragic... So if you can't handle tragedy, terribly sorry, and I'm also sorry that I only just now changed it this late into the story. I had planned the ending about three chapters in and I only just now realized the fact that I needed to seriously change it. Shout out to blackfallstar9 for reminding me that I needed to do that so people's hopes won't get up.**

 **Stay beautiful, Lovelies**!


	12. Chapter 12- Forget Me Nots

**Fair warning: this chapter will begin two years after Hogwarts. Please don't get too confused since it will explain itself toward the end of the chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve**

 **Forget Me Nots**

* * *

Severus Snape stood around his fellow comrades as they walked briskly and quietly through a rather dense forest. No one dared speak and the only sound that could be heard was from their shoes on the forest floor crushing the leaves and twigs. Everyone knew their mission. No one dared to forget what they were meant to do in fear of perhaps dying at their failure.

They could hear whispers in the forest ahead and they all stopped to listen. No one could fully make out what they were actually hearing. Finally, someone sent out a spell into the darkness and the battle began.

Severus went ahead past everyone and found himself in battle with Frank Longbottom. He remembered him from Hogwarts, but he was his target now. Through the haze and fog of his mind, he heard one of his fellow men cry out "Crusio!" There was an obvious sound of a human body hitting the ground and he froze mid-spell cast when he recognized the voice behind the screams. He cried out in pain and clutched his shoulder as blood spurted from his black robes. He had completely forgotten about the bastard in front of him.

He ducked and deflected Frank's next spell and he had to ignore the pain in his shoulder. He was pushing himself to react faster than ever before, after only a few moments finally hitting Frank across the chest and sending him flying back into a large tree that nearly cracked at the impact. Frank was passed out and perhaps bleeding internally, but he hardly cared if he died from his hands. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened.

He looked around himself in search of the location of James' scream, but found only unfamiliar shouts and flashes of light. Finally, he heard James again and immediately ran in the general direction of his voice. He saw the back of one of the Death Eaters and spotted James below him, writhing in agony at the curse afflicted upon him. Severus didn't hesitate in raising his wand and hitting the Death Eater with the spell. He recognized Lucius' startled voice as he staggered to the side, breaking the curse on James. He was about to turn to look at Severus, but Severus was two steps ahead and cast the petrifying spell on him. His arms froze and his steps cease. He was in an un-level position, so he ended up immediately falling onto his face, making it a little easier on Severus who wouldn't have to spend another second from paying attention to James.

Severus went to James' side and he felt his heart constrict at seeing how battered James looked. His eyes were closed and his breathing was ragged. There were many cuts and bruises along his face and he didn't even have his glasses with him. Severus knelt beside James and tried to examine him and the extent of the damage that had been done by the curse Lucius had put him under.

Shouts and the flashing lights around him suddenly brought him to reality. He had almost forgotten where he was and what he was supposed to be doing. He already took care of his target, but others would perhaps question if he was gone for the rest of the battle. He had to risk it. He had to quickly take James away from the battle.

He grunted as he lifted one of James' arms over his shoulder and pulled him up onto both of their shaking legs. He had a bit of a hard time apparating, but he managed to bring them to his own house that his parents had left to him. It wasn't exactly in any will, but the house's next name was Severus' so it was passed along to him. He didn't argue with the selection. He had wondered briefly who would have the house next.

He stumbled inside the living room, but continued to hold James up against his side. He had long forgotten about the gaping wound on his shoulder, but it suddenly hit him in the darkness of his house. The candles lit themselves as he past them while he grunted in attempt of dragging James to his parents' old room, which was now his own.

"James... Wake up..." He could act as if his wound wasn't bothering him, but he really needed James to also help in the journey to his bedroom. James didn't stir and Severus sighed deeply while he fumbled with the bedroom door knob. He gently laid James down onto the bed and took off his mask so he could wipe the sweat away from his forehead. He faintly registered that he was panting from exhaustion and pain, but he continued in the care for James. He used his wand to pack up and heal the obvious wounds and made sure that there was nothing internally wrong with him. He needed to make sure he was ok before he ever dared to enter back into that forest. A fear was evident in him about James suddenly dying in his own bed. He couldn't let that happen while he was gone.

He was eventually satisfied with the work that he completed, grabbing his mask and then finally let himself spin on the spot and apparate to the spot he had been in. Lucius had heard the small pop and growled, "Who's there?!" Severus nearly groaned. He had completely forgotten about leaving Lucius there.

He cleared all emotion on his face as he used the counter curse to lift the petrifying curse and Lucius immediately sat up and looked at Severus with his mask dented at the nose. Severus wanted to laugh at how angry Lucius seemed as he tore off his mask and examined it, growling under his breath, "If I find out who did this, I swear..."

Severus held out a hand to him, "I don't hear anything else. Let's go check and make sure everything went all right with everyone else."

Lucius didn't take Severus' extended hand and instead pushed himself up onto his feet. Severus took his hand away and followed beside Lucius back deep into the confines of the forest, "Someone fucking cursed me from behind. I wouldn't be surprised if it had been that damn red headed girl of his, because he was gone as soon as I was hit. He couldn't have moved even if he tried..."

Severus stared ahead as they trekked forward, not letting on that he knew anything about what Lucius was saying, "Oh? So you were too busy to not even consider dangers around you, Lucius?" His voice was calm, but Lucius heard the underlying accusation and said nothing more. Severus hardly cared, but he knew his accusation would shut Lucius up about complaining.

They knew they were nearing closer to their comrades when they noticed the unconscious or dead of the others below them. It had been an unfair fight since they had cornered The Order and sent the first spell flying. They had heard a tip from someone that they would change their meeting suddenly to that location for just that night so Lord Voldemort immediately sent the best of the Death Eaters to the location to hopefully stub out the Order completely. But, that would never happen unless Dumbledore was dead or gone from the meetings.

"That old twit! I thought you were supposed to take care of him, Barty!" It was the shrill voice of Bellatrix Lestrange, a horrid woman that Severus certainly didn't prefer the company of. She was absolutely mad with power and a deadly loyal follower of the Dark Master himself.

"I told you I needed back up," Barty Crouch Jr. barked back. Lucius and Severus emerged from the edge of the forest where a small ravine was. All of the Death Eaters were gathered in a close circle and every single one of them was trying to talk over the others.

Bellatrix snarled and pointed her wand threateningly at him, another wand joining from her husband that was at her side, "Are you that weak that you couldn't handle one old fool?! You boast at how big and strong you can be, so why didn't you show it?!"

"I-I could have if he hadn't suddenly apparated beside me. I wasn't expecting it!"

Bellatrix was about to quip back, but held up a hand for silence when she saw Lucius and Severus. "Where the bloody hell have you two been? It ended nearly half an hour ago!"

Lucius cleared his throat in embarrassment, "Someone hit me from behind with a curse, so I wasn't exactly able to move."

"Well, Bellatrix, I was doing my duty and patrolling for any of our dead or wounded after I realized it had ended, as was my job appointed to me by the Dark Lord himself. If I had not, it would have been quite a while before Lucius would be able to join us for our next meeting. Any more questions?" His voice was edgy toward the end, but his face was completely calm and devoid of emotion as he looked Bellatrix straight in the eyes.

She scoffed and turned to everyone else with a flick of her wrist in the direction of Severus, "Anyway, it was lucky none of us died, but we maybe killed one or two of them in the process. Now, does everyone know where the next meeting will be?" Everyone nodded and Lucius' shoulders sagged. It would be in his house with his new wife and child. He wasn't thrilled about the noise that was sure to ensue before the Dark Lord came. Who knows if he would be angry by a baby's cry. Severus could easily understand his apprehension when his old friend confided in him. Severus suggested taking Narcissa to her old house for the night, and Lucius agreed, but still wasn't looking forward to helping her move all of the necessary items and the baby himself to the house. Severus volunteered to help, so it was a little easier on Lucius' conscious, but he was still nervous about having their dark leader in his own house. He was going to work his wretched house elves to the bones in preparations.

Bellatrix made sure that everyone understood where the next meeting would be and would be about before turning to her husband and taking his hand, apparating with him back to wherever they lived. Everyone followed suit and Lucius sighed softly as he watched them, "I'll see you then..." He disappeared beside Severus and he didn't hesitate in apparating back to his house.

His shoulder was beginning to hurt again, but he immediately went to the bedroom that he left James in and was surprised to see him sitting up and looking livid at everything around him. His eyes were narrowed and he was squinting at a book that had been left on the night stand beside the bed. He heard Severus come in and he instinctively went to his pocket for his wand and raised it, yelling, "Who's there?!" Severus had forgotten to look for his glasses while he was there.

He didn't answer in time and James sent a spell hurdling at Severus' head. Severus growled and used Expelliarmus to send James' wand flying away from him. James was about to dive to the floor to grab his wand, but some of the wounds that Severus hadn't taken care of flared and he was forced to lay back down on the bed.

Severus sighed and shed off his long and hot black cloak off. He placed his mask to the side and said softly, "It's just me, James..."

James flinched at the familiar voice and he squinted in the direction of Severus, "Severus?"

Severus smiled sadly and sat on the edge of the bed beside James' legs and took one of his hands, "Yeah... It's me."

James shook off Severus' hand and mumbled, "So you were there too."

Severus felt his chest constrict at the coldness of James' gesture, "Of course I was there. Almost all of the Death Eaters were there."

"I saw that, "James responded bitterly. "Why am I here?"

"Someone tried to use Crusio on you and I stopped them before it nearly killed you-"

"How noble," James spat, glaring at Severus' head and sitting a little farther from him so he didn't have to touch him.

"Shut up, James. Anyway, you were pretty beaten and you looked close to death so I petrified him and took you here. I patched you up in the small amount of time that I could, but it seems that I forgot some." He was trying really hard not to be offended by James' words. Considering where they had left each other last nearly four years before, he could understand why James was so hostile towards him.

"Don't tell me to shut up!" He sat up quickly once more and reached out like he would hit Severus, but cried out in pain and fell back against the bed.

Severus cursed under his breath and retrieved his wand again, having to hold James down as he thrashed against his touch. James was so angry; he was telling Severus how much of a low life he was all while Severus ran his wand on the various places that James cried out when he would touch. James eventually sobbed and laid still against the bed, finally giving Severus the peace he needed to completely heal James.

James' hand clutched at Severus' sleeve when he was done and his whole arm trembled at the effort, "Why... Why do you still care?"

Severus swallowed hard and gently took James' hand away from his sleeve and placed it onto his stomach to rest with the rest of his body, "I told you at the train station, James..."

James surprised them both by holding onto Severus' hand, keeping Severus close as if he was afraid he would leave again, "You didn't mean any of that, Severus..."

"Yes, I did." Severus' voice was soft and he used his non-dominant hand to take his wand and call out Accio for James' glasses. They were crooked and one of the glass was shattered and the other missing. Severus tapped it with his wand and it straightened out and the glass fixed itself. He couldn't do anything about the missing glass, but he handed it to James regardless.

James fixed his glasses onto his nose with his shaky free hand and sat up again, this time propping himself against the back board for support. He looked at Severus with only one eyes, the mixed vision making him dizzy. He smiled sadly and rubbed his nose, "You've grown up wonderfully, Severus."

"I was grown up when I was eighteen, James."

"No... There's something about you now... As if you've grown up in your soul too."

"Death can do that to you," Severus whispered bitterly. He wasn't proud at that moment of what he had done over the years that he had been away from James. James was quiet for a long time, processing Severus' words. Severus stood and went to the bathroom that was connected to his room. He pulled his sleeve up until his wound was exposed and winced at the gaping and dripping wound on his shoulder.

"Why are you still with them, Severus?" Severus looked in the mirror and saw the end of his bed reflected in it. He picked up a washcloth and wet it, dabbing at the wound.

"I'm not sure anymore." He was being completely honest at the moment while he cleaned his wound. What was he doing in that group? He was killing people left and right. He felt fear for his leader. He had to teach himself Occlumency when his thoughts were so filled with James and wanting to attempt to go back to him. He couldn't let his Dark Lord know where his loyalties lied.

It was quiet for several long moments and Severus hadn't noticed that James had stood up from the bed and was now directly behind him. He was a little startled when he looked into the mirror and saw James just behind his shoulder. He turned around quickly after dropping the cloth into the sink. James was leaned against the small bathroom's opening with his hands firmly in his pockets. Severus noticed that the old spirit that had been in James before everything came crashing down around them was showing.

"Why don't you join the Order, Severus?"

"I'm too far deep into this, James. I can't just turn my back away from what's happening." Severus looked away quickly and turned back around to pick up the blood stained cloth.

James reached out and laid a hand over Severus', taking the cloth away. He took Severus' hand and led him back to the bed, having him sit. He looked around the room and found a porcelain basin. He went back into the bathroom and filled it with water before grabbing another cloth and going to Severus' side again. he set the basin aside and dipped the cloth into the water, beginning to slowly wash away the blood.

"It's never too late to do good." James spoke softly while gently dabbing at the wound.

Severus winced each time the cloth made contact with his skin and he looked away, "It's not that easy."

"Just think about it, ok?" James' voice sounded hopeful as he took his wand and began to silently enchant it to seal up Severus' wound.

Severus glanced back at him and he gave a small nod as he swallowed hard, "I'll... I'll think about it." He stared at James for a long moment and whispered, "Will we ever be together again?" He had to know. He had to know if he should ever have his hopes up again, He needed to know if he was going to have to stand aside and watch for the second time his love being taken away.

James paused and lowered his wand. He looked at Severus and smiled sadly, shaking his head, "No... think we've gone too far to ever go back to the way it was. I'm sorry, Severus, but I'm still hurt over what happened." He stood up and smiled down at Severus, giving a small wave before turning and apparating to Merlin knows where.

Severus sighed hard and laid back against his bed. His shoulder still hurt, but he suspected that James wouldn't have left it wasn't healed completely on the outside. He rolled onto his side and grabbed one of his pillows, holding it to himself and closing his eyes.

He always hated the dreams he had of the past. It was the same every night.

He was forced to watch his own younger self sit in a chair beside a Death Eater with his left arm extended out over a table. The Dark Lord himself had come to greet him personally since he had heard such wonderful things about his knowledge of curses and the dark arts.

"Such a smart man you are, Severus. It is an honor to have you join our ranks." The white hand of Lord Voldemort shot out and gripped Severus' arm. Severus dared himself to look up into the dark red eyes of the Dark Lord as his wand pressed against his forearm. Severus barely flinched when the dark ink like swirls spilled out from the wand tip and embedded itself into his skin. The ink formed that of a snake almost engulfing a skull with its body in the form of an infinity sign.

Lord Voldemort let go of his arm and stuck his wand back into his long black robes, "I will assume you understand the rules of being one of my trusted Death Eaters, correct? Well, when that mark becomes impossibly dark and burns your skin, that means that I am expecting you to come to my side. Understand?" Severus nodded and Lord Voldemort's lips twisted into that of a sinister smile, "Wonderful."

The real Severus had to watch in regret in horror at the actions he had made that night. He should have never agreed to become one of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters. He should have listened to James. He should have known that it would come back to literally bite him in the ass.

The memories would speed up to just after the summer when he was back in school. Oh, through out the whole thing, he just knew that James was hiding something dire from him. The way he acted so skittishly around Lily and how he looked so guilty when gazing at her. He somehow knew it before he ever confronted James on it a month after school had started.

"I see how you look at her." Severus had his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at James.

James looked at him, but gave a shaky smile, "What do you mean?"

"Lily. You look at her like a dog that knows it did something wrong... What did you do with her?"

"I didn't do anything, Severus, honest." James' voice had been strained and Severus narrowed his eyes at him.

"Don't. Lie. To. Me." He spoke each word with a certain pronunciation as if he thought James wouldn't understand or hear a word he said. James shook his head and looked slightly frightened. Severus closed his eyes and used the occlumency spell on James since he knew that he would never reveal to him what he had done.

He watched in slight horror as Lily kissed him and felt sick to his stomach as he watched James kiss back. He tried to find somewhere in his memory where perhaps he had confronted her about it to tell her that he was dating someone since he was clearly drunk, but that never came. Instead, he saw another drunk filled night at what Severus assumed was his house with all his friends there- including Lily. He watched as they kissed for the second time.

Severus forced himself out of James' memory and saw James looked so dazed and confused. Severus grit his teeth when he felt the tears come to his eyes and he grabbed his wand, pointing it threateningly at James, "Go away!"

James stood there shocked and took a hesitant step toward Severus, "Severus, what just happened?"

Severus growled and used his Levicorpus spell on him, watching as his feet flew from under him and he was suspended in mid-air. James cried out in surprise and tried to wrestle out of the wands hold, "Severus! What are you doing?! Let me down!"

"I just saw you, James! I saw you with Lily! Not once, but twice, James!"

James froze from trying to escape the hold and Severus forced himself to let the spell go. James fell onto his back and he looked up at Severus in shock, "How did you?.."

"Who the fuck cares?! What matters is you fucking kissed her! You kissed her twice and I didn't even want to see if you fucked her or not!"

"I didn't have sex with her, Severus! I was drunk both times and I am so sorry I did that... Severus, please don't push me away now..."

Severus backed away as James walked forward. Severus pointed his wand at him again and shouted, "Get away! Get the fuck away and don't come back here!" He saw that James wasn't about to leave, so he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder, beginning to walk away.

"Wait!" James reached out and grabbed Severus' arm. Severus cried out when the material of his uniform rubbed harshly against his Dark Mark. He froze and looked at James as he did the same. He couldn't stop him when he grabbed his shirt wrist and pulled it up over his arm and saw the mark. He let go of Severus and whispered darkly, "So... You'll get angry at me for two drunken nights... But then do this? So, I'm guessing you did it over the summer. I suppose we both did terrible deeds over that holiday, but Severus... Whose was worse?"

He turned and left Severus there to stare at his back. The older Severus felt his heart constrict as he watched James walk away. He broke out into a sprint after him, but he found himself in the train station that was bustling with people all around. Students were smiling and laughing as they found their parents. Everyone was so happy, except him and James.

James was standing in front of Severus with his trunk handle grasped tightly in his hand. They were pressed aside from the crowds so that they could get some sense of privacy. It had been the last year of their Hogwarts life already. They hadn't said two words to each other since that faithful night.

"What are your plans, then?" Severus asked softly.

James shrugged and scratched the back of his messy hair, "I heard there's a nice job at the ministry I can take. Something in paper work and such... What about you?"

Severus smiled bitterly, "I suppose you already know my plans."

James laughed and shook his head, "You're right. How silly of me to ask."

They stood there for a few more long moments without saying a word. James suddenly reached out and hugged Severus to him. Severus didn't even bristle. He had been craving his touch. He had hoped that he would do this to him. Severus buried his nose against James' shoulder and inhaled his scent.

"James... I love you so much..." Oh, it was such a special moment. Never before had he ever called James by his first name. It even took James by surprise.

James hugged him a little tighter before slowly letting him go, "I love you too. I loved you so much, and I still do. i got you something." he took a moment to dig into his pocket and retrieved a small box before handing it to Severus.

"I had Sirius help me find it. I wanted to give you something before we parted ways. I'm not sure what the future will hold for us, but I hope that you will wear this always." He reached forward and brushed a few of Severus' black hair away from his face and smiled with tears in his eyes, "Good bye, Severus." he turned away and took his trunk out with him past the platform, leaving Hogwarts for good.

Severus felt tears streaming down his face as he opened the box to find a small clear crystal sphere attached to a thin ribbon. Inside the crystal was a pair of Forget Me Not flowers and from that day onward, he wore that necklace.

Severus woke up with gasping breaths as tears streamed down his face. His hand was clutching the necklace that had escaped from his shirt.

* * *

 **Basically though, I'm not going to make any of you follow this to the end... To be honest, I don't now how I would make any of you do anything... But, if people had insights on the genre at the very end, then please tell me. I just don't want people angry with me when people die and wasn't warned about the tragedy.**

 **Stay beautiful, Lovelies!**


	13. Chapter 13- Harry Potter

**Fair warning that this will have a smut scene in it. I thought since I only had this chapter and another to go, then I might as well celebrate with a wonderful romp between the two. Cheers, Lovelies!**

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen**

 **Harry Potter**

* * *

Harry Potter's birth was celebrated in the house hold of the Potters. Sirius and Remus had all brought booze over to the house as soon as Lily was out of labor. She was disappointed that the birth of her child was celebrated in such a childish way, but Sirius brushed it off as still being the pregnancy hormones.

"Lighten up, Lily! This is a wonderful occasion! A child has been born under this shaggy roof and I intend to make everyone in this house celebrate it!"

"I swear I tried to stop him," Remus mumbled beside Lily as he took his turn holding the small bundle of joy. He was a little nervous at first, afraid that he might drop him or have him cry from him just holding him, but Harry merely murmured and wiggled from time to time. It made Remus flinch every time, but he soon grew used to the odd noises and movements a baby made. He soon enjoyed it too.

Lily gave a small and exasperated smile, "I know you did, but we're talking about Sirius and James here. They're always and forever going to act like children."

James laughed when Sirius made a noise of protest in between sips of liquor and they passed it among the three while Lily and Remus sat off to the side discussing things like the pain of birth and if she was planning on letting him sleep in the same room as them.

James stopped just before he began to feel a buzz and Sirius whined in protest, "Oh, come on! Have some fun! You deserve it after having to deal with a hormonal Lily for nine months! Let's not mention how loud she was during the birth-"

"Watch it, Black. This is my house and I can easily have you out of it," Lily warned as she laid a blanket over her shoulder to cover the nursing baby. Her eyes gave plenty of warning as she glared at him. Sirius grumbled to himself as he quickly took the bottle and downed another mouthful.

Sirius was singing by the time the baby had long been put to bed and Lily had gone off to bed after him. James had to help Sirius up and Remus ended up taking him home with a small snap from apparating. He came back after tucking Sirius into his own bed and sat beside James on the couch as he stared into the flames.

"These little stones that Dumbledore gave us are quite useful. It's so interesting that just by having it on you, you can apparated out of almost any protective charm. I'm surprised criminals don't try it," Remus said while taking out the stone like object that shimmered blue and black.

James shook his head, "Don't you remember when Dumbledore said that it had to be set to a certain shield so if someone else had one that wasn't set to the charm, then they couldn't come in."

Remus awed and nodded, "Right." He turned to the fire again after pocketing the stone and said quietly, "Are you still bothered, James?"

"How could I not?"

"I suppose it could be worse-"

"A dark wizard that's after your child is the worst that can happen in my book. He's plotting to kill my child and we're having to hide in this fucking house that Lily can't stop complaining about and-" And it had been his ex-lover that had revealed to Voldemort the prophecy.

He tried to reason with himself long into the night that he hadn't meant it. He hadn't even known Lily was pregnant at the time. Severus had approached him later with tears in his eyes and begged for forgiveness. James was confused at what he needed to forgive Severus for, but soon Dumbledore explained everything to him. Voldemort was now after his child and he was in hiding while every corner was being turned to find his family.

"I'm sorry, James... I'm not sure what else I can say," Remus said gently.

"It's fine," James whispered. For a few moments he sat there and then looked up suddenly, "Hey... Where was Peter?"

Remus shrugged and yawned softly, "I'm not quite sure. Sirius just said he was busy before we came here."

Remus sat there for a few more awkward moments before standing and saying his goodbyes to James. He apparated away and James sat there for a few more long moments. He stood and went to his desk in his study and took out a quill and parchment. He wanted to tell the one person that needed to know. He wanted to tell Severus that everything had went smoothly and everything was fine, but that felt way too impersonal to put into a letter. He may have been trying to work on his inner struggles, but he was trying to treat Severus civilly.

When he had approached James about having been the one that told about the prophecy, James held him close and had to tell him that everything would be ok. James had been angry, but he hid it well from Severus. In a way, he knew that it hadn't been his fault. But, would everything truly be ok? James couldn't say, but he couldn't stand to see Severus so upset. He assured him that since he had told Dumbledore that it would be solved in due time.

That was when Dumbledore took them to their safe house far from where they had ever been. Sirius and Remus was the only ones to have visited them at the house and it was a welcomed effort on their part, but James missed Severus so much. It had been months since he had seen the dark hair and pale face of Severus. He wondered if he had gotten any skinnier since he knew he was under a great deal of stress from becoming a spy for the Order.

He stood up abruptly and went to Lily and his room. He quietly opened the door and went to Harry's crib. He placed a spell over him that made it to where he wouldn't be heard if he cried as he gently picked him up. The spell was apparently wasted since he didn't stir. James held him close to himself and shut the door quietly behind him again. He went outside into the cool night and apparated outside of Severus' house.

The neighborhood hadn't been what James had expected when he first arrived at the house. It was a bit shabbier than he expected, but he understood that Severus had never been as wealthy as he had. He remembered offering Severus money to help him, but he had flat out refused any help and almost slammed the front door in his face when the question arrived at the door step.

James instinctively rubbed Harry's back as he went to the door and gently knocked on it. He waited there only a minute or so before he heard rustling inside the house. The door opened inward and he saw the sleepy face of Severus with his dark robes tightened around himself as if he had just awoken from bed. His eyes widened when he saw James and he grabbed his arm and pulled his inside quickly, checking around the streets as he poked his head out from the door to make sure no one was there or had seen.

He turned to James angrily and pointed an angry finger at him, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing? You're not supposed to leave the house, James!"

James hushed him and took the quietening spell off of Harry, "Severus, I-I'm sorry... I just really wanted to see you..." He smiled when he saw that Harry was still somehow fast asleep and he looked at Severus, "And... I wanted you to meet someone."

Severus froze when he noticed the light blue blanket in James' arms and he didn't take a step closer to see. He didn't dare. James took a few steps to him and moved the blankets away from Harry's face to show Severus, "Isn't he beautiful?"

Severus swallowed noticeably as he finally peered at the small baby in the bundle. Harry made small noises as he threatened to wake up and Severus stepped away again in fear of his cries. James chuckled and rocked him, "Come here, Severus. He won't bite you."

Severus gave James an annoyed look, but went closer anyway. James gently passed Harry into Severus' arms and he watched as his face lit up with joy at the sleeping face, "He looks so much like you." Severus smiled and sat on the small love seat that sat facing one of the many filled bookshelves in the room. James sat beside him to watch Severus observe his son.

James gave a shy grin and scratched the back of his head, "He does, doesn't he?"

"Yes! Your nose, the hair, even your skin color. It's like he's not even part of Lily."

James shook his head and instinctively sat closer so he could look at his son also, "He has her eyes."

Severus bit his lip when Harry wiggled and threatened to wake up. His tiny eyes opened and he looked up at the man with black greasy hair and pale, gaunt skin. And he smiled. Severus gave a soft chuckle and placed his thumb against Harry's fist which curled around it, "You're flattering me- um... What was his name?"

"Harry James Potter."

Severus chuckled, "Couldn't help but put your own name in there?"

"It was Lily's idea. She said that she would do the same with her own if he had been a girl."

James looked at Severus' incredibly pale skin and realized just how skinny in the face he was. He sighed and shook his head, "I wish you wouldn't have become a spy. It's draining the life out of you. I somehow remember you not being so pale. You had at least a brighter of a glow."

Severus shook his head as he let Harry play with his thumb, "I have to, James. I've done so many bad things... I have to make up for the sins that I have committed."

Severus looked up and suddenly frowned. He glanced back down at Harry and then carefully passed him back to James, "You need to leave soon. You shouldn't have even come here."

James sighed and took Harry who gave a small squeal as if he would cry, "I wanted to see you, Severus. It's been months since I've seen you and to be quite frank, I missed you." He didn't keep his eyes from Severus as he froze and looked down at his clenched fists.

Severus stood up abruptly and began pacing the room, "Yes, but you have Lily now. You have her, so why even come here?"

James was quiet as he watched Severus, slowly rocking Harry till he fell back to sleep. He gently placed Harry between some pillows that he placed on the floor and made sure that he was comfy and wouldn't get hurt. He stood and went to Severus, his arms folding around him. Severus was trembling and it didn't surprise James when he began struggling against his grip. James held onto him tightly and whispered, "I should have never left you, Severus. I should have stayed and tried harder to convince you not to join them. It's all my fault and I'm so sorry..."

Severus eventually relaxed into the hug, feeling as if it was more of a hug of friendship, "No, it was definitely mine, James. I had a choice to join and I took it. It had nothing to do with you."

James took him relaxing as a sign to hug him even closer and he gently rested his chin against Severus' shoulder, closing his eyes, "I've missed you so much... I regret every day that I wasn't with you."

Severus soon realized what James was doing and he began to try and pull back again, "I-Im sorry, but I can't do this James... I'll just end up wanting more and I don't want to do that to Lily..."

"I swear I'll leave her, Severus. I will. I don't feel right with her, but... But we just had the baby... I cant leave right away, but I swear I will. Please... Just let me love you again."

Severus had tears in his eyes as he looked up into James' eyes and whispered, "Do you swear?"

James nodded and he felt his heartbeat quicken as Severus hugged him back, tightly this time. Severus leaned up without warning and kissed James deeply, his tongue immediately seeking out his. James complied and his hands eventually found his waist and another hand found the nape of Severus' neck. He curled his fingers into his raven black hair and tugged out of old habit, a moan escaping both of their lips.

James' hand eventually went to Severus' ass and he picked him up so that the slightly shorter man's legs could wrap around his torso. James was now having to tilt his head upward to kiss Severus and he pushed him against one of the bookshelves, making it shake. They both slid down onto the floor and James straddled Severus, pushing away the tie at his waist that held his robes together.

James shuddered at the sight before him. He was disappointed at the sight of the bulging ribs and deep indentions from not eating and working so hard, but at the same time satisfied to have finally seen his one true love beneath him again.

James paused when he saw the necklace around Severus' neck that he had given him years ago, "Severus... You still wear this?"

Severus was panting and squirming, but he stopped so he could nod up at James, whispering, "Always."

James shivered at the word and leaned down to kiss Severus again. Severus' arms were wrapped around James' neck as he thrust upward against James' own erection, his becoming too much to bear inside his shorts. James moaned and stilled Severus' hips, his teeth scraping along his neck. Severus shivered at the sensation and waited for the familiar pain to find him. But, no such thing happened. James kept lowering his lips past his neck and to his chest where he nibbled on one of his nipples.

Severus gasped and whimpered, "No... No, please don't tease me..."

James chuckled to himself and used one of his hands to play and pinch the other nipple while he continued to bite on the one he had in his mouth, "But you love it." Severus gave a moan as an answer.

James eventually let go of the two nipples and ventured lower along his ribs, nibbling and licking at his skin. He stopped just above the shorts and he gently tugged them down, revealing Severus' erection. James took him into his hand and watched as Severus moaned while he rubbed him softly. He leaned down and gently licked the tip.

Severus gasped and looked up, whimpering, "No! Don't do that!I-I don't deserve it..."

There was a small grunt from the pillows on the floor, but silence followed after. Severus looked slightly frightened as James raised an eyebrow, "See? If you're not quiet then all of this won't happen, ok? So just let me do this for you."

James waited till Severus nodded before licking his tip once more. He gently sucked at him and shivered at the soft moans and mewls from Severus. James took his thumb and began to massage Severus' hole as he continued to lick and suck, taking him all the way into his mouth till he touched the back of his throat. James gagged only slightly, but soon adjusted himself to where he could bob his head easily without completely choking himself. Severus' hands were in James' hair and both were panting as James quickened his pace.

"James... James I'm going to cum soon... Please..." Severus' voice was so deep and quiet that the tone made goosebumps appear on James' skin. James ignored Severus' protests as he quickened his pace and even slipped a finger into his hole. Severus eventually grunted and grabbed at James' head, thrusting slightly into his mouth before he came with a gasp. His load was thick and salty in James' throat, but he swallowed all of it without protest.

"James... Fuck..." Severus was slumped against the bookshelf before James sat up and licked his lips. Severus watched as James began to undress, revealing his own erection. It caused Severus to throb to see his past lover so hard for him.

James grabbed Severus' hand and pulled him down till he was laying ontop of James. James positioned him so he was facing him but on his knees, seated just above his cock. He grabbed his wand from his discarded robe and used a spell he had learned with Lily to lubricate his own cock properly.

He grinned shyly up at Severus as he looked up at him curiously, "Yeah... Don't ask."

Severus shrugged to himself and leaned down so he could kiss James. He grabbed James below himself and rubbed the lube on him a few times before lowering his ass to him. His tip slipped in and Severus hissed from the pain. It had been quite a long time since he had something as big as James in himself. His own fingers couldn't compare to him.

James hushed him and kissed his cheek and lips, his hand rubbed up and down along his sides, "It's ok... You just have to get used to it again."

To James' surprise, Severus didn't wait long before he moved his hips up and down on him. He panted as his hips rotated and moved with a motion that was once familiar to them both. Severus' hands were placed firmly on James' chest as he seemed to jump slightly on him. James moaned softly with Severus as he grabbed his hips and guided him in a rhythm that they could both enjoy. James reached out and took Severus into his hand rubbing him as he picked up the pace.

"Yes... Yes, fuck... You feel so good, Sev..." James whispered against Severus' lips as the other man was trying hard not to moan too loudly for the sake of the baby that was so close to them.

They both eventually came with small cries and moans from both of them. Severus collapsed against James and they both took several minutes to rest. Severus eventually rolled off of James and snuggled close to his side. He kissed his cheek and whispered sadly, "Don't you have to go back to Lily?"

On cue, Harry began to cry and squeal. James sat up quickly, knocking Severus back a bit. James stood and grabbed his robes without cleaning himself. He dressed quickly and went to Harry. He picked him up and rocked him to try and quiet him. He whined when he didn't.

Severus stood and grabbed his robes, wrapping them around himself again, "Is he hungry?"

"I-I don't know. I might have to go back and let Lily feed him."

"Yeah... You should go... It's getting early in the morning." Severus gave a small and encouraging smile to James, "I hope I get to see you again soon, though."

James nodded and going to Severus and kissing him, "I promise I will be back."

He apparated back to his own house after leaving a crestfallen Severus alone. Lily jumped awake at the sudden crying in her room. She rubbed her eyes and stood up on wobbly balance, "James?" She paused when she saw him and took Harry from him, "What are you doing?"

"Sorry... I was just holding him a bit and he must have gotten hungry." Lily huffed at him and sat in a chair near the bed and positioned Harry against her breast so he could suckle.

James laid in his bed and watched Lily and Harry, feeling only a small notion of guilt. The rest of the time before he went to sleep was spent planning his next visit to Severus.


	14. Chapter 14- Old Friend

**Chapter Fourteen**

 **Old Friend**

* * *

The day the Potters were found dead was a sad day indeed. The very first person close to the family to have heard the news of their death and the assumed death of the Dark Lord was Severus Snape. He kind of stood there frozen and shocked as if he could never believe that something as horrific as that happen.

He knew that the Potters were in hiding and he had been the one to ask Dumbledore for help in hiding them, but he could have never imagined that Peter Pettigrew, one of the Marauders trio, had been the one to give away the location to the Dark Lord. Severus felt such anger at the man, but he still couldn't bring himself to move from his spot.

Everyone around him was apparating back and forth in panic from the death of their lord and tried to make up alibis or hide as quick as they could from the ministry. Severus could still only stand there in disbelief. Had it really happened? Had the Dark Lord been defeated by the child he spent every weekend playing with? Was the child really even alive? It had to have been misinformation of some sort, for this certainly never happened. No one ever survived a killing curse.

He vaguely realized that Lucius Malfoy was talking directly to him, "What?.. How can that..? A child! What are we going to do, Severus? Where will we hide?.."

Severus barely glanced at him and whispered, "I have to go."

Severus apparated to outside Godric's Hollow and looked up at the house that had an ominous feelings about it. A baby could be heard crying somewhere, but Severus hardly noticed it as he slowly stepped to the house and entered it. The door was blasted down and the entry way looked like it had been through quite a shock. Debris was scattered along the floor and he followed it into the living room and looked around slowly. Nothing seemed to be amiss other than Harry crying upstairs.

And then he saw something that haunted him for the years that he lived. James was lying motionless on the ground, making Severus' heart stop in his chest. He ran to him and he immediately lowered ot the ground, touching James' shoulders and shaking him slightly.

He knew he was dead, but he desperately sobbed, "James... James, wake up!"

When James didn't stir, he picked him up into his arms and cradled him, slowly stroking his hair. Severus sobbed and cried against James' shoulder, the world seeming to cave and fall around him. His love was dead. The person that he had spent more than a couple years imagining to spend his life with forever was dead in his arms, forever gone.

It didn't seem to register in his mind when someone took his arms and pulled him away from James. He struggled and screamed at whoever it was to let him go. He wasn't going to be separated from him! not now! Not when he felt he was needed to be by his side.

"Severus, stop it!" It was Sirius' voice and Severus barely registered it. Dumbledore had walked past him and paused at the foot of the stairs where James was. He lowered and gently closed the opened eyes of James and stood up again. He walked on past James and up the stairs toward the cries of Harry.

Severus felt the familiar sensation of apparation and found himself with Sirius in what appeared to be a rather large house that was well ornamented with antiques and heirlooms.

"Severus... Please come." Sirius' voice was shaky but firm as he tried to help Severus stand who had suddenly collapsed to the floor.

Severus was trembling and still sobbing, his head shaking as he refused to stand, "No! No..."

Sirius huffed and lifted one of his arms and leaned him against one of his shoulders. He slowly led him into what looked to be a living room with a fireplace settled in one of the walls. Sirius set him on an old and yet comfy couch and bent down so that their faces were at the same level.

"Severus, look at me." Sirius said it softly and yet it had a tone of authority that made Severus actually look up. It almost didn't matter if he had or not, for tears were blurring his vision. He tried to wipe away the tears and yet more kept coming.

"Severus, I want you to promise me that you'll continue to spy. I need you to help the Order make sure that son of a bitch pays for what he's done. He can't get away with this and I won't let you ever forget it, understand? I know we've never seen eye to eye, but this is something that is of the utmost importance. I know you're hurting and so am I, but we can't let that get in the way of what needs to be done."

Severus was trying his best to listen, but all he could think of was the lifeless body of his lover and companion on the stairs with his own child crying for him. He couldn't shake the pain and suffering that his heart was under no matter how hard he tried. He didn't even care that Sirius was the first person to see him cry like that since he was a child witnessing his father's abuse to his mother. All he cared about at the moment was James and how he was now gone. Would he even see him in the afterlife?

It suddenly dawned on him what Sirius said, "But... But the Dark Lord is gone... We were all there when the news came..."

"No, Dumbledore swears it won't be the last we see of him. You have to at least trust him. Ask him yourself if you must."

Severus let out several more sobs as he shook his head, "I... I want to die... Let me die..." In his mind, he literally had nothing else to live for. What could he live for now? Everything he loved was gone and there was nothing left on the earth to comfort him.

Sirius shook his head and gave a light tap to his cheek as if to wake him up, "No, Severus. You need to live for the future. You need to live for James and even for Harry. I know you met him quite a few times so i know you have seen how special that kid is. He was special to James too. Besides, Severus... He wouldn't want you to join him by your own hands, now would he?"

Severus found it slightly odd that Sirius was being so kind to him. Maybe after James dying he realized just how much Severus truly cared for him by watching him sob and scream for him after his death. It truly had taken him by surprise for a split second before the seriousness of the situation hit him. His best friend had died. He wanted to cry, and he did a little, but he also felt anger taking over his sadness. He knew that Severus being a spy was detrimental to the defeat of Voldemort. It was like he was a valuable chess piece from Dumbledore's own words. Right now, he knew he had to encourage Severus or the everything wouldn't go as Dumbledore had surely planned.

"Go home and rest. You need it right now," Sirius told him softly. His hands were on Severus' shoulders as if to steady him into the couch, but he let go when Severus suddenly stood up. His legs were shaky, but at least his sobs and tremors had stopped.

Revenge, a little voice in his head yelled behind the others desperately. If what the dog says is true, you must make Voldemort pay for what he did. Spy, do whatever Dumbledore tells you to do so that your love wouldn't have died in vain.

And so, Severus apparated to his own house and calmed himself down. He had to remain as calm as possible. Block out all of his thoughts from himself this time. He didn't want to let himself fall back into the depressing hole he had suddenly tripped into when he found James. He had to live.

Dumbledore came to his house later while Severus was busy pacing the floor and thinking. A knock had sounded at the door and Severus opened it to find Dumbledore who greeted him with a rather sad smile.

"I'm glad you're doing better, Severus," Dumbledore said as he stepped into the house.

Severus had started pacing again and he looked up to glare at Dumbledore, "Who said I was doing better?"

"You're no longer crying, so it's the first step toward better. There's still a long road to completely better, but I'm sure you can do it. But, I didn't come here to talk about that."

"Then what did you come here to talk about? As you can see, Dumbledore, I'm quite busy."

"Yes, yes. I can certainly see that, Severus. This won't take terribly long. I just wanted to discuss with you about the future."

"The future? What's there to talk about? The Dark Lord is dead and I'm... I'm not even sure."

"That's the thing: I need to speak to you about the things you don't know," Dumbledore said gently. He walked over to the couch that sat in the center of the room and patted the seat next to him for Severus to sit. Severus did no such thing.

"Harry is ok, right?" Severus suddenly asked when it dawned on him that he had been the one that had survived a killing curse. Dumbledore nodded and only a little of Severus' apprehension died away.

"Now... To speak of what I came here for: Sirius is right, Severus and I need you to stay a spy for me."

"He's dead! The Dark Lord is dead so why must I spy longer?! Everyone will be gone and hiding or pretending to be under the imperius curse! I'm not even sure which path I will take for they will surely send me to Azkaban for the things I did before the Order. What will happen to me, Dumbledore?" His voice was soft and then something dawned on him. He suddenly yelled, "You! You were supposed to protect them!"

"First, Voldemort is not truly dead. I believe he is still alive. Second, I will gladly go to the Wizamagot myself and tell them of your heroism and betrayal of the Dark Lord this last year. Third, Lily and James put their trust in someone they shouldn't, very much like you did."

"But... But, I..." He couldn't say it. He was suddenly ashamed of himself for ever trusting anyone but himself to protect them. How could he have been so stupid. But, there was still other matters to attend to. "How could he still be alive? It's almost impossible for either to be alive. There's no sign of him anywhere from any of his followers and Harry somehow survived everything. Why couldn't Lily or... James survive?" Severus' voice had been strong and loud, but the thought of James had his voice breaking.

"It was the love of Lily that stopped the curse from killing Harry. He has a scar just above his right eyebrow from where the curse rebounded and merely wounded Voldemort. I have another theory as to why Voldemort didn't die, but I would rather keep it to myself and research on it a while longer."

"How is that even possible? There's never been anything like it in any books I've read-"

"Sometimes things such as love can trump knowledge, Severus. I'm sure you must have realized that with the love you had for James. Love trumps everything. You should always feel pity for a person that has never or could never experience love. Just remember that."

Sverus stopped pacing a moment and looked at Dumbledore in shock, "How... How did you know?"

There seemed to be a twinkle in his eye as he said, "Don't you think I would notice two boys sneaking off into the Forbidden Forest every night? I had faith that you were smart enough to not be attacked and that you wouldn't let James be in danger either. Tough I always was curious what happened in your seventh year. It's as if you two just completely stopped rather suddenly."

Severus opened his mouth and then closed it back several times, at a loss for words. He should have assumed that Dumbledore would know since it was on his castle's grounds, but it was still shocking that anyone other than Sirius, James, and him knew. He hadn't dared tell anyone himself. It had been James that informed Sirius and now they had been caught after the two years together.

"We need to bring this conversation back to the more serious point: I need you to continue your work as a spy, especially as soon as the Death Eaters are brought together once more when he eventually returns. I don't know how and I don't know when, but its important that you must. You must also protect Harry at all costs. Its detrimental that you do." Dumbledore was looking at Severus with hard eyes and it made Severus have to sit down with the weight of the words.

What would happen if Voldemort came back? Could they still possibly be in danger of him again?

Severus finally nodded, "I will." He suddenly pointed a finger at him and said seriously with a glare, "But no one must know." If everyone knew, then his future work could be compromised. He was still supposed to be a double agent, and he didn't know what the future held. He no longer needed help, not after what Dumbledore had said about putting his trust into someones hands. He had to do this himself.

Dumbledore gave a sad smile and stood once more, "Then, with your word, I shall take my leave. Get better soon, Severus." He apparated on the spot.

I hope I do too, Severus thought bitterly.

But, he never did. The pain seemed a little easier for him to handle, but his heart never fully healed. He went through everyday as if a routine with the occasional surprises until the rise of Voldemort came once more. Even then, it seemed rather predictable for him. He still hurt and he still went through the motions.

After years of being hated by everyone, he had mastered the act of absolutely not caring. It seemed only Dumbledore had been able to see past his facade. The living image of James even hated him. But, as long as he was doing his job, he didn't care.

The school had become something of a hell hole once more for him. For the years he had been there, there had been many students that pranked him, spread nasty rumors, and even drew horrible (and rather terribly drawn, too) things he did to students in his spare time. He always shuddered at the thought of ever doing anything that disgusting to someone.

He still went to every Order and Death Eater meetings. He was part of both sides, but in his heart, part of truly one. He said his thoughts for each ones, trying to impress at least one of them so that he could remain on their good side.

Being a spy was a little difficult sometimes. He had headaches every time he went to meetings with Voldemort due to having to perform strong occlumency, but it always worked. Voldemort trusted him and that was his whole reason for being there. He was to lead the double life Dumbledore set for him.

But, it bothered him a little sometimes how much he was hated by Harry Potter. Harry had no idea what he went through every day and what it was like to be him and that truly bothered him. Harry hated his guts till what seemed the very end and Severus couldn't help but remember when Harry was a baby and would laugh and play when he visited his house with James. They would play and giggle with James all day long before Lily noticed they were gone. How had it so quickly become where the boy that loved and seemed to adore him now hated and despised him?

He could understand how his hatred was directed more toward himself when he was forced to kill Dumbledore for Voldemort. He knew it was inevitable since he saw it. But, he still had to pretend he didn't care. He still had to pretend that it didn't bother him that Harry hated him. He did his job, no matter if it had been painful or not for him.

And finally, the time came fore him to die. While he stood there and listened to Voldemort speak, he could feel it in his soul that it was going to happen. He could tell that it was finally his end. And when Nagini struck out at his throat and pierce him many times with her long fangs, he embraced the sharp pain as something that was necessary. It was finally his time.

He was surprised when Harry came and tried to stop the bleeding. He remembered Dumbledore's words and was forced to put most of his memories (the important ones) in his tears and let Harry take them in a vial. His job was done. He did everything Dumbledore wanted to the very end and that was perfect in his mind. Maybe now with his tears Harry would see just how much he had cared for him after all those years. He would see how he bounced him on his knee as a baby. He would see how he protected him after all the adventures he had. He did it all for him and James.

Maybe, with the few memories he had put in there of how him and James fell in love (without the rompings, of course), he would understand why he did everything he did. He would understand the love they had shared for one another. Hopefully, he wouldn't think too badly of his father toward the end of the memories of them when he willingly cheated on his mother.

He felt his life slowly leave him and he embraced death as if it was a friend that he had been waiting so long to meet.

He finally didn't hurt.

* * *

 **And that is the end of my story. I will have a very short epilogue, but that's basically it.**

 **I want to thank everyone that's made it this far with me and has enjoyed the story. You guys are amazing! I hope you leave lots of reviews and tell me what you think of the endings. I tried to make it as accurate to the book I could as far as the storyline went.**

 **Goodbye for now, Lovelies!**


	15. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

Severus remembered drifting off as if to sleep, but immediately his eyes opened when light filled him everywhere. He had to squint at it a moment and he rubbed his eyes to help get used to the white light. He finally opened his eyes fully and looked around himself in wonder.

He was standing in the middle of what felt like a white haze. The only thing visible was a rickety brown bridge that hung over a trench filled with what looked like rather high clouds. It resembled the bridge that had connected Hogwarts. The clouds touched and billowed around the bottom of the bridge, making it give an ominous feeling as to how deep the trench could be.

"Severus..."

Severus gave a small, startled jump and turned toward where his name had been spoken. And there stood James in a plaid blue shirt and khaki pants. He looked so casual with his hands stuck deep into his pants pockets. It was odd not seeing him in robes, but he wondered if heaven (that's what he hoped it was) had a different dress code.

James blinked and looked down at his clothes, "What? They're muggle clothes and they're quite comfy. Gotta hand it to them for making clothes just as comfortable as ours." He waved his hands and was back into a normal robe and garments, "Better?"

Severus kept staring at James, his body trembling. He didn't even care what he himself was wearing. Who gave a shit when your dead lover of seventeen years was standing in front of you and seemed to think you only cared about the clothes he was wearing? It may have taken him by surprise, but he moved on to bigger and much better things.

"Are you real?" Severus asked softly, not wanting to run up and hug something that might disappear in front of him.

"Of course I am! I've been waiting in this Merlin forsaken limbo all these years. I've had to watch everyone that we knew die and go pass in their own little version of limbo while I waited here for you. I'm a little surprised that yours is Hogwarts bridge, and the fact that it looks a little shaky is questionable, but you did murder a few people on the way to doing good," James mumbled the last part out.

What was he talking about? He waited here for Severus instead of going on to what was surely paradise. That made tears suddenly appear in Severus' eyes as he realized that James had waited there for so many years to see him pass. He ran toward James and hugged him close while James grunted at the impact.

"Woah! Calm down!" James said this, but there was a small smile on his lips from feeling happy that Severus did just that. "Did you miss me?"

"Of course I did!" Severus yelled and pulled back, grabbing James' face and kissing him deeply. James fell into the kiss and grabbed Severus' waist, a moan escaping both of their lips as they tasted years of what they missed.

James pulled back, panting slightly, "Are you ready?"

Severus panted and looked at him slightly dazed, "Ready for what?"

James pointed at the bridge, "To cross? We have to cross if we want to reach heaven, right?"

Severus looked at the shaky bridge and bit his lip, slightly scared, "What happens if we fall?"

James shrugged, a frown forming on his lips after he thought, "I don't know... But I doubt we would fall. The bridge wouldn't be there if you were going to hell... now come on."

James took Severus' hand and began to slowly lead them across the bridge. With each step they took, it creaked threateningly under them. Severus on more than one ocassion forced them to stop in fear of it collapsing, but James was there to coax him on with a smile and encouraging words.

Severus gave a shaky laugh, "You always know what to say..."

They finally made it across the bridge and as soon as they stepped across, the white disappeared and everything was filled with color once more. It was just outside of Hogwarts at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Severus looked up at it curiously before James began leading them into it.

"Wait, why is heaven here? I thought it would be different."

James nodded, "It can be, but I'm having it show us where we were most happiest. It was under this tree." James stopped just on the edge of where their special tree was and showed Severus what was there.

Severus gasped as James said, "I wanted to do this for you long ago... But we never could."

There was candles floating in the twilight near the tree. A picnic basket was laying on a small blanket for the two of them. Fireflies were flitting in and out of view of the vesinity, making it seem like a summer dream. Severus felt his heart swell. He looked up at James and whispered, "Are you sure you're real?.. That- that any of this is real?"

James laughed softly and nodded, leading him to the picnic basket, "I wouldn't have been with you in limbo if I hadn't been real... And this is as real as we want it to be." He suddenly stopped Severus before they got to the blanket and grinned at him, "You know... I'm not married up here and... Well..." He suddenly bent on one knee and a diamond ring that was designed into a man's ring with the word Always engraved on the inside appeared in his fingers.

Severus was trembling and his hand had went to his mouth as he tried to contain his shock and delight. This was actually happening. He was being proposed to by the love of his life. He was absolutely the happiest he had ever been.

"Severus, this is for all the years that I loved you. This is for all the years you put your life in danger for my honor. This is for taking care of Harry all those years and I thank you for that with asking you to please marry me here beneath this tree where we first fell in love."

Severus couldn't find his voice for a few moments, but he managed to croak out, "Yes... Yes, a thousand times, I will marry you!"

James slowly slipped the ring on Severus' finger and stood up, kissing him passionately, "And if a thousand times is what you wish, then a thousand times it shall be."

* * *

 **(Told you it would be really short...) and that is officially the end. Ah, it feels so bittersweet. I kind of wanted all their dreams to come true in the afterlife, because, well, it _is_ heaven. I hope all of you enjoyed this journey with me.**

 **Stay beautiful!**


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